Growing Jacob | Journey of a Part-Time Military Wife through pregnancy, deployment & baby!

We are moving....

2011-04-22T10:19:00.000-06:00

To a new web home!!! Check out the NEW Growing Jacob at www.dectron7.com!!

I'm keeping this blog up, just because, but all of the new posts will be at www.dectron7.com. Update your bookmarks and readers!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-09T05:00:00.002-07:00

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2011-03-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant I spent most of my days reading, reading and re-reading reviews on various baby products. I generally trust the experiences of other mother's and parents more than anything else so I searched the reviews high and low for all of the best baby products (within our price range, of course). I didn't add anything to our registry that had less than 4 stars.

And honestly - I have been unbelievably happy with pretty much everything we've used for Jacob so far.

Except for one thing.

See all of these? Yeah, we've used these maybe.... three times? And I've never even used the 8oz bottles. Seriously?? These things had the BEST reviews and were supposed to be the best for breastfed babies - to avoid nipple confusion. I absolutely loved them, but Jacob just didn't.

Now we don't use bottles that often, but still. We do need them on occasion and he refuses the Playtex every single time. He screams and cries and generally just HATES them.

You know what we use? This.

And yes - that's the ONLY one we have and it's the only one he will take. It had absolutely no reviews when I was looking and it's expensive. I'm pretty sure he likes it so much because it's wider and bigger (more similar to Mama, ha).

So this weeks tip for Mastering Mommyhood Monday - what may work for everyone else, may not work for your baby! Just because the reviews are awesome doesn't mean that baby will love the product or that it's even necessary. Oh - and don't go spending $50 on bottles before the baby is even born. I'd highly recommend that you buy one or two of each kind to see what the baby prefers. Otherwise you'll end up with a box full of bottles, nipples and drop-in liners that you'll never use. Like me.

Build-A-Sign Giveaway Winner!!!

2011-03-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Random.Org the Build-A-Sign Giveaway is........

Comment #1 - Lindsay S!!!

I'll be sending you an email shortly!! Congratulations!

And thank you to everyone else for taking the time to enter! I sincerely appreciate it!

6 Months

2011-02-28T05:00:00.001-07:00

My Little Jacob,

I've secretly been dreading this day for a while now, because now we start counting down until your first birthday! I see you changing before me every single day and I am reminded that you are only going to be this small for so long. I try so hard to cherish every moment with you. I cherish every hug, smile, laugh and tear because I know that soon you won't be so interested in curling up on my shoulder and snuggling.

The last month sure has been an interesting one for you!

In all honesty I'm not sure how much you weigh! Your appointment is tomorrow morning, so we will find out. I'm guessing you're around 16 pounds. I think that you're still on the smaller side but thats okay!
You're still fitting into size 2 diapers and they aren't even getting snug!
We've put a few more of your outfits into storage, but you still wear your 3 month onesies on a regular basis. Your 6 month pants are starting to be a bit to short though!
You still breastfeed all the time and you still love it! I can't believe that we've made it through 6 whole months! I am so proud and so amazed to know that I've nourished you for your entire life! You still don't enjoy bottles or formula and you really don't eat when I got to work!
We took a break from solids at the beginning of the month because you weren't handling them so well. I just started giving you solids again about a week ago. I've given you finger foods - bananas, pears, toast, carrots, pasta and Gerber Graduates. You love the pears and toast, but you aren't sure of the rest. We are trying out a little Baby Led Weaning and you really only play with the food at this point. I even gave you a specially prepared cupcake for your half birthday. You enjoyed ripping it apart, at least.

I've been giving you some purees lately because you seem to enjoy them and they aren't hurting your tummy anymore! You LOVE green beans and squash. You also like bananas and peas! You aren't really a fan of peaches though.
In the future I plan to keep giving you a combination of finger foods and purees. You're consistently eating two meals a day with us!
You still are waking up at night. Sometimes only twice, but sometimes four or five times a night. You don't sleep more than 3 or 4 hours at a time. I think you're just a starving and need to eat. Or maybe you just want to cuddle with Mama. I'm not really sure, but I'm confident that you will start to sleep more when you're ready. I'm not rushing it.
Napping has been up and down. About halfway through this month you were starting to take 2 hour naps, but the past week you've only been interested in 3 30 minute naps. You just want to see what's going on all the time!
You still haven't rolled from your back to your stomach. Considering that you really hate your stomach I'm not surprised. I know you can do it just don't want to. You'll do it in your own time.
You spend most of your day sitting on the floor in front of your gym or in your jumper. You really weren't a fan of the jumper at first but you LOVE it now! You are rarely on your back these days!
You're starting to figure out how to make the toys make noise now! You are learning where to press to start the sound and you LOVE anything that lights up and plays music. Your favorite lately has been the puppy that teaches body parts and colors!
You are in love with your taggie blanket (made by Mrs. H @ Shutterbug's Snapshots). We actually just made you a second one because you get mad when I take it away to wash for you!

You finally like Sophie the Giraffe - maybe it's because you are actually teething now! They're getting closer!
In the last week you've really started to talk! You mumble and giggle randomly and even more so when you and I are playing (and especially when you're playing with Daddy!). I'm enjoying hearing your little voice! Keep it up!
You are definitely giving me slobbery kisses these days! Sometimes it's completely random and you melt my heart every single time.

I never knew it was possible for my heart to love you even more Jacob. It seems that every day you do something new and my heart grows just a bit more. Someday you will understand how much I love you. I can't wait to watch you grow and develop. You've been so much in the past few months. I know that the next 6 months will be even better and I am so excited for them.

Daddy and I love you so much Jacob. More than you know!

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

Remember the last Mastering Mommyhood Monday when I said that they won't be little for long?

Yeah, now you understand why I feel that way!

This Time Last Year - Build-A-Sign Review & Giveaway

2011-02-22T05:00:00.003-07:00

This time last year Mr. P and I were in a completely different place. We had just gotten married, I was pregnant and we were preparing for Mr. P's deployment. I was just learning how to be a military wife and I felt as though the impending deployment was just looming over my head.

It felt like I would never make it to the end. Homecoming just felt so far away. I spent my days watching military tribute videos on YouTube and researching ways to survive deployment and prepare for homecoming. All I could think about was getting through the next 9 months, alive, preferably. I dreamt about homecoming. All day, every day. I think I listened to Home by Daughtry a million times. I couldn't wait for my turn to hold my soldier and welcome him home for good.

It was about this time last year that I found Build-A-Sign. In all of the talk and research I'd done concerning homecoming, getting a banner was at the top of my list. I came across Build-A-Sign right off the bat. And the best part? They offer one free sign to all military families! You just have to pay for shipping!

I filed that bit of information away in the back of my head. Fast forward 8 months. R&R had come and gone, Jacob was 2 months old and homecoming was a month away. We were still alive and doing pretty well. One day it clicked and I realized how close homecoming really was. We were so close to finally being DONE with the deployment!

I felt like I was on the brink of exploding because I had so much to do and so little time. I suddenly realized that I hadn't ordered my sign. I logged back on to Build-A-Sign and was pleasantly surprised to discover that the free sign for military families was an ongoing campaign. I immediately set to work designing a banner.

The design software was simple and easy to use. I had a hard time choosing a template because I liked 99% of them, for one reason or another. When I finally settled on a design, I uploaded a few pictures and customized my sign within 5 minutes. I ordered the larger size and paid for expedited shipping.

Well less than two weeks later I returned home to find my sign waiting on the doorstep. I immediately rushed inside, opened it up and spread it out! I was IN LOVE.

How beautiful and amazing is that?! It was much larger than I expected, but I didn't even really think about it when I ordered the 3X6 sign. I didn't choose to get the grommets to make it easier to hang (although they're only $9.49/banner), but if I was planning to hang the sign outside I definitely would have. The graphics were clear and crisp. The vinyl was thick and high quality. It was just what I had envisioned.

I had decided ahead of time that I was going to have all of Eric's friends sign the banner, to make it more personal, and then I hung it inside our house for him to see when he got home. I didn't want to embarrass him with it, since we picked him up at a local airport and not on post.

He was so thrilled when he walked in and saw it hanging. We even left it up for a few weeks! It is now safely stored in its box. I pray that we never have to order another one, but if we do I'm going back to Build-A-Sign.

After everything was said and done I am 100% satisfied with the design, quality and service of Build-A-Sign. I absolutely recommend them to anyone (not just military families) who needs a banner, car decal, magnet or sign. There are hundreds of great products on their website.

And because I loved my experience so much Build-A-Sign has offered to giveaway a custom banner or sign (with free shipping) to one of my readers!! This giveaway is open to anyone in the US, not just military families, and it would be perfect for birthday parties or a new business!! What you use it for is up to you!

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Giveaway Details

The winner gets:
- One custom banner (up to 3X8) or sign with free shipping!

To enter:
- Comment and tell me which design you would choose from Signs and Banners.

Extra Entries (1 per; you must complete the initial entry for these to qualify):
- "Like" Build-A-Sign on Facebook
- "Like" Growing Jacob on Facebook
- "Follow" @GrowingJacob on Twitter
- Be a follower of this blog and let me know it!

This contest will end on March 1st at 11:59 pm MST. I will select one winner through random.org. I will make an announcement on the blog and email the winner. The winner has 48 hours to respond before a new winner is chosen.

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The owner of this blog is not compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog owners.

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2011-02-21T11:06:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well. I keep promising things that I can't quite deliver. My sincerest apologies. It's just been busy lately and I have a LOT going on. There is a lot in the works in our home right now and unfortunately blogging gets pushed to the back burner when that happens.

But anyways. We made the decision to wait a while longer on giving Jacob solid foods because he just wasn't handling it well. He was upset and grumpy because his tummy was hurting, so instead of forcing him on it we've decided to go another route.

Baby Led Weaning. And I don't even know why they call it that because it's very misleading.

Basically, from the research I've done, giving babies little bits of solid foods allows them to eat in their own time, to eat when their bodies are ready and to eat when they're psychologically ready. By the time they are ready to chew and swallow, their tummies are ready to digest the food, which means (hopefully) less tummy discomfort and fussing for Jacob. Baby led weaning allows Baby to decide when, what and how much they're going to eat. It's very similar to breastfeeding on demand in that respect.

We've tried it a few times now and Jacob pretty much just plays with what I give him. He's chewed on some pears (which he thoroughly enjoyed) and a little bit of banana.

I guess in my mind, if he is controlling what goes into his mouth then he is ready to eat it. And yes - it is a little bit odd to hand him a slice of pear and watch him explore it (with supervision, of course), but he seems to love it! And the best part is that he doesn't seem to have the tummy troubles that he was having with the purees (although we are still giving him purees now and then).

And now Jacob is almost 6 months and he's still mostly breastfed. And that's OKAY! We will get there in time. He's only a baby for so long. I'm not going to rush things anymore.

I think in this day and age we are always in a rush. We rush to work, we rush home, we rush to get dinner on the table and the kids in bed. And I think that sometimes we carry that over into our children's lives.

I've often found myself pushing things towards Jacob that he may not be ready for - like solid foods. I've dealt with the guilt already and I've learned from it. And you know what I learned?? That having a little one around is a gift and that we should be enjoying and treasuring every single day, instead of waiting for the next big moment. No longer will I push foods at Jacob when he's not ready. I'm leaving it up to him to decide what he wants and when he wants it.

And I'm going to slow down and enjoy every day with him, because he's growing way too quickly to spend my time looking forward to the next milestone. He will get there when it's the right time and before long, he won't be such a squishy little baby anymore.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

This is where we spent our weekend - in gorgeous Keystone. And this is also why I've been a bad blogger lately. But can you blame me for not wanting to sit on the computer with a view like that?

Wordless Wednesday - Mommy's Helper

2011-02-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

The Baby Monitor Crackles... Part III

2011-02-08T16:51:00.001-07:00

I have this problem (big surprise, I know). It's not really huge, but I feel like it could be in the future.

Jacob has added back in a feeding each night, right around 11 or 11:30. Because of this lovely addition to our night, I have a really hard time staying awake for all of Jacob's feedings.

For instance - last night Jacob woke up about 45 minutes after I fell asleep (which is typical - I swear he knows when I close my eyes). I drug myself out of bed, trudged across the hallway and plopped down in the chair in his nursery. I pulled the blanket around my shoulders (that I leave there just for this occasion) and tried to keep my eyes open. Before I knew it Mr. P was standing over me in his boxers trying to gently wake me without scaring the living crap out of me. It didn't work, by the way. I still jumped and ~~yelled~~ whispered "holy crap", all without waking the baby, luckily. Apparently he'd noticed that I'd been gone for a while and he came to wake me up so I could come back to bed (insert "awwwww" here).

Well this is a pretty regular occurrence at night. I fall asleep during the first feeding and wake up an hour later. Then I climb back in bed, only to wake up completely exhausted for the next feeding 2 hours later.

So I've kind of taken to curling up in the guest bed with Jacob in the middle so that I can snooze most of the night. I only wake up to change sides.

The problem?

First of all - I miss sleeping with my husband. I miss the warmth, comfort and feeling of security that I have sleeping in our bed. I slept alone for 9 freaking months and it's really nice to have someone to share the bed with. But alas, I only get half of the night with him.

Second - I'm worried that this is going to lead to problems in Jacob's sleeping habits in the future. I'm worried that if I keep this habit up for too long that he won't be able to fall asleep without me, which he does wonderfully right now. I know that co-sleeping isn't a bad thing (I actually kind of enjoy it), but I never intended to co-sleep with Jacob.

Co-sleeping just wasn't in our plans. I understand that plans change once the baby actually arrives, but I'm just not sure about this one. I mean - how hard is it to break this habit? Why am I having such a hard time staying awake? I spent so much time getting Jacob to sleep well in his crib and now he only sleeps half of the night there.

I am just at a loss. I don't even know where to start to break this habit! Any suggestions experienced Momma's?!!?

And the baby monitor crackles.... dun dun dunnnn....

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And in case you missed the first two parts of this series, check them out!
The Baby Monitor Crackles, Part I
The Baby Monitor Crackles, Part II

Oh PS!! Stay tuned this week - I have an exciting review and giveaway coming up! It's perfect for any of the military momma's and wives out there! Look for it on Thursday!

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2011-02-07T21:35:00.003-07:00

Now that Jacob is a little bit older he's starting to play with more and more toys every single day. At Christmas I wanted to get him some toys that would be good for him once he learned to sit up. Well - it's time!

My little boy is sitting up all on his own. I still leave the boppy behind him, just so he won't smack his head on the floor, but still. He will sit there for an hour or more playing.

I pulled out a bunch of new toys for him over the past few weeks and I've learned something.

I bought some really, really annoying toys. He loves them though, inevitably. And of course - the most annoying toys are his absolute favorite. Those are the ones he plays with more than anything, all day, every day.

So guess what? I get stuck singing kids songs and repeating the silly phrases that all of his toys make! He enjoys this little giraffe more than anything. And it's the only toy that we have that doesn't have a quiet setting... or an off switch. So I have to take it away and then listen to it scream "press my belly ahahaha" (pretend that was in a high screechy voice) for 2 minutes before it finally says "bye bye... (insert annoying singing here) do do do do do do doooo do" and turns off. By the end of the day, I just want to throw this thing into the fish tank.

But how can you be mad at something that makes baby so happy?!

So I completely and totally recommend that you turn on the toys in the store and listen to them, before you purchase them. Make sure you won't mind listening to them over and over and over and over.... and over. Because you will.

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And if you have any tips for Mastering Mommyhood, write a post, add the button and leave a comment with the link to your post! I would LOVE to read all of your tips!

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Why Do His Cries Sound Like "Momma"?

2011-02-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

I have this weight that I carry around on my shoulders. Every. Single. Day. It never goes away. It's always there.

I feel this horrible, awful sense of mommy guilt all the time. I always feel like I'm just not doing enough. Or that I'm doing things wrong. And I know that this is sometimes a normal thing, lots of Momma's feel guilty.

The worst part? Anything can set it off. But some days are worse than others...

When we were originally having issues with Jacob napping we tried out Mr. P's method and let him fuss for a little bit when he went down (and it worked, by the way). But every time I'd set him down and walk away he would mumble and fuss "MomMomMom..." and it took every bit of my being not to walk back in and hold him. I felt so guilty for leaving him alone to fall asleep on his own. I felt like the worst Momma in the world.

Oh - and the time I let him fall over? That was the worst. He was just learning how to sit up and had been doing really, really well. I turned around for 2 seconds, literally, and in that time he fell backwards and smacked his head on the floor. There were tears, oh boy were there tears. I tried so hard not to cry myself with him. All afternoon I just felt awful.

And recently....

We have really been struggling with Jacob's tummy issues. We started him on some solid foods. I gave him carrots and four days later, apples. Well apparently apples are bad for their little tummies. They're constipating. I didn't know this.

So for about 10 days Jacob was severely constipated. I mean, two dirty diapers the whole time (read about it on my Mastering Mommyhood Monday post from last week). It was awful and horrible. I never want to go through that again.

And the guilt crept back in. He was in so much pain. He was arching his back and crying out nonstop. I felt so awful. I could tell that he just wasn't feeling well and there was nothing I could do.

Every time he would cry it sounded like "MomMomMomMom". Now I know he wasn't actually crying Momma but it seriously just broke my heart to hear him so upset when his little tummy hurt. And it didn't help that I felt completely and 100% responsible for causing his pain.

I kept going over the fact that I should have researched foods more or made a better plan or waited longer before starting solids. I felt so awful. And the entire time, the weight was back, resting on my shoulders.

And I know that every Momma feels guilt sometimes and every Momma feels bad, but sometimes it feels like the weight of my guilt is constantly holding me down. It feels like I'll never feel like Super Momma again...

I miss my Super Momma cape. I really do.

And someone please explain to me why his cries always sound like "Momma"!!!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-02T07:55:00.000-07:00

His giggle melts my heart. Every. Single. Time

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2011-02-01T10:48:00.000-07:00

So I'm a day late. It's my blog and I do what I want. Ha. Enjoy this one!

Well we started Jacob on some solid foods a few weeks ago. It went fairly well! We gave him a bit of cereal, then carrots and apples. He seemed to enjoy all of them! I mean he wasn't overly excited about any of them, but he ate them!

Well after about a week and a half of fresh purees we realized he wasn't having his normal amount of dirty diapers. And my baby poops. A. LOT. He was literally born pooping (the OB called him Sir-Poops-A-Lot - true story. Oh and those drop cloths they put down - my baby is the reason why - but I digress), so the fact that he went more than one day without a dirty diaper was odd.

We tried everything. I tried the thermometer trick, we gave him pureed prunes AND prune juice with water. I massaged his tummy and then straightened his legs and pushed them up towards his chest. We put him on his tummy, on his back, on his side. You name it. We tried it.

And the poor boy STILL did not poop. In a week he had one dirty diaper! ONE! Sir-Poops-A-Lot was no more.

It literally got to the point that every time he made a sound or grunted we were checking his diaper and hoping for a nice little surprise. I never thought I'd say it - but I was looking forward to a dirty diaper!

And then it happened. OH MAN. Let's just say that I now know why they call it "dropping a bomb". Because that's exactly what it sounded like. I swear a bomb went off in my little mans pants! I looked at him with big eyes and a smile and he looked back at me with big eyes like "Holy POOP, what just happened?!". Seconds later the screams came.

So, I grabbed him out of the jumper (checked his back side briefly) and put him on the floor (as I didn't see anything on his back at the time...dun dun dun). As I rolled him over I noticed a nice wet spot on the carpet. OH CRAP! (pun intended). He blew everything straight up his back! Ew.

So Jacob and I rushed upstairs and I put him down on a thick cloth before doing anything. Needless to say - it got everywhere. His hair, back, arms, legs, changing table, MY hands. Mr. P rinsed the casualties (outfit and the thick cloth) off under the hose outside (that cracked me up!) while I cleaned up the little man. We praised him all afternoon for the nasty diaper! We were all so excited that it finally happened!

Sir Poops-A-Lot has RETURNED! And we couldn't be more excited!

So this weeks tip?? Don't even doubt the fact that one day you will be excited for a nasty, dirty diaper. It will happen. I promise you that.

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Link up and share YOUR tips for Mastering Mommyhood!!

Grab my button, add it to your post and then post a comment with a link!!

LinkyTools has decided to make their service a paid service and I haven't decided if I want to go that route, so for now we will use comments!

5 Months

2011-01-29T11:30:00.001-07:00

My Little Jacob,

Well my sweet boy, here we are. Another month down and you're already another month older. Just 30 short days and you'll be half a year. Wow. I just can't even believe how quickly you grow and change. This month has been full of all sorts of developments for you. It's been a big month for all of us!

Here's what you've been working on this month:

At your 4 month wellness check up you weighed 14 pounds and 2 ounces. You were a little over 25 inches long. Your head was about 15 inches in circumference (I think). You're starting to slow your growth a little bit, but apparently that's normal for this age range.
You're in size 2 diapers still. I'm pretty sure you'll be in those for a few more months, which is comforting to me!
I'm currently in the process of putting a ton of your clothing into storage. You're mostly wearing 3-6 month and 6 month clothing. However, quite a few of your 0-3 month and 3 month onesies still fit!! I've been trying to squeeze you into all of my your favorite outfits one last time before they get put in the box on the top shelf of your closet.
You eat like crazy!! I've been feeding you every 2-3 hours throughout the day and about every 4 at night. We did find a bottle that you prefer (Tommee Tippee), so now you'll eat while I'm away at work. We've given you some formula, just when we are in a pinch, and you really don't like it all that much but you'll eat it if you have to.
We started you on rice cereal about half way through the month. You seemed kind of indifferent to it, but you gobbled it up.
I've also started making you some baby food. You've had carrots and apples. You enjoyed both! We bought you some prunes because you've been a little stopped up and honestly, I think those are your favorite so far! You've also had oatmeal (which I'm feeding you instead of cereal). I think we are going to give you a few weeks off from the solid foods though because although you were showing signs of being ready I think your little tummy still needs some time.
Sleep is... well it's rough. Getting you down in the evening is a breeze. You happily go to bed right after your bath, but we never know how long you're going to sleep. The last few nights you've been waking up around 10:30 or 11, then 2, 4, 6 and up for the day at 7:30. Sometimes you'll cut a feeding out in the early morning, but not always. Mommy misses the days when you slept from 7:30 to 4:30 without any problem!
Naps are getting better, actually! You barely cry when we put you down for your naps (most of the time), but you still only sleep for 30 minutes. You have trouble going back to sleep after your first sleep cycle, so we are trying to solve that problem. You take 5 30-minute naps every day.
I think your favorite time of day is your bath. You know when it's coming and you almost always stop fussing. You love to splash and flail. You'll smile when we wash your neck because it tickles. When Daddy trickles water in front of you you'll life your hands up into the stream like you're trying to figure out exactly where it's coming from. Bath time is everyone's favorite time of day!
You have rolled from your front to your back, but not really the other way around. You're not a fan of being on your tummy so I'm not surprised. Soon enough though! You just have to figure out how to get over that shoulder.

You sit up all by yourself now!!!! About a week ago it just clicked for you. You figured out how to control your abdomen and hips and where to place your legs. You can sit up unassisted for 5-10 minutes at a time. Sometimes you're wobbly and you tip over, but not very often anymore!
Being able to sit up has opened a whole new world of toys for you! You're not quite sure what to make of your big baby toys, but you'll look at them and poke at them for a few minutes at a time.
You get bored very easily. You really only enjoy a toy, game or activity for 4-5 minutes before you want something else to play with. When you're awake you require all of our attention. You will play in your jumper or under your gym for 10 minutes at a time though. You still loves toys that have lights and noise. You also LOVE the sock puppets in your Baby Einstein videos. You know when your favorite parts are coming up and you try to hold back a grin every time.
You still have a wonderful gummy grin. No teeth quite yet. I think they're descending and then ascending and that's why you've been so grumpy about them recently.
You are becoming a bit more social these days. It's easier to get you to laugh and smile. You always smile when Daddy walks into the room and says hello to you! I think you're starting to reach out for us when you want to be held.
You're very ticklish! We can tickle your tummy, back, neck or feet and you'll smile and laugh.
You make all sorts of noises and sounds, but mostly when you have something in your mouth. You're still fairly quiet otherwise, unless you're grunting and fussing.
I actually think you're starting to understand what kisses are. Sometimes when I kiss your cheek you'll turn your head and put your big, wide open, slobbery, little mouth right on my cheek and then pull away and smile! I think that's your version of a kiss. I love it, keep it up, okay?

Like I said - it's been a busy month for you. It feels like it has flown by, but I'd imagine that's because we have so much fun every day. Even though you keep us busy we so enjoy getting to play with you and see you grow. I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to be home with you most of the time. We both just love to hold you, cuddle you and love on you. You are a little bit spoiled sometimes, you know, but that's okay!

I can't wait to see what this next month brings for you. We love watching you grow and you're becoming such a wonderful little boy!

We love you little boy!!

Love,

Mommy & Daddy

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2011-01-17T15:28:00.001-07:00

When I got pregnant I envisioned how I would raise Jacob and what I wanted it to be like. For the most part I've done everything exactly as I planned in my head.

Except for one thing.

I always swore up and down that I would never let my baby cry himself to sleep (well fuss...we don't let him scream). And this is really hard for me write about because it still kills me every time. I get knots in my stomach and I can feel my heart start to race. It's absolutely awful for me to sit and listen to him fuss before he falls asleep. All I want to do is run into his room and scoop him up, cuddle him and tell him just how much I love him. I want to kiss his pudgy little cheeks and nuzzle my nose into his belly until he laughs so hard he can't stop.

But I can't. Because if I did he would never take a nap. I have tried everything I (and google) can think of to get him to nap and nothing else works. If he falls asleep eating and I'm lucky enough to get him to his crib then he only naps for 30 minutes. Most of the time he wakes up in the middle of the three step walk.

So after 3 weeks of battling his naps Mr. P suggested letting him fuss for a bit. I followed my mommy instinct, trusted my husband and tried out Mr. P's method. We began to follow the same routine at every single nap time. We go upstairs, get a new diaper, wrap him up in his blanket and then he eats. I put him in his crib and turn on his mobile. I give him a little kiss and he gets his taggie (this is a new addition) and then I tuck him in, turn around and walk out the door.

At first he fussed as soon as we laid him down. And fussed. And fussed. After 5 minutes we would go back in and pick him up and comfort him until he was calm and relaxed again and then set him down and repeat the process. The first time I tried the new method he fell asleep after 8 minutes. Most of the time it only takes 3 or 4 minutes, sometimes it takes 8 or 10. Rarely do we have to go back in more than once.

After 3 or 4 weeks of trying this method things are getting better! He never fussed when I put him down at night, but now I can put him down completely awake and he will fall asleep without making a peep. His naps are not quite as easy, but getting better. He takes 4 short naps every day and it generally takes him 3 to 4 minutes of light fussing before he will fall asleep. But it is a huge improvement from where we started.

This method works for us. I'm definitely not trying to push this method on anyone because what works for my family definitely won't work for everyone.

So this weeks tip for mastering mommyhood? Never say never. At least until you've raised at least one baby (and maybe not even then). Because I told myself I'd never let my baby cry himself to sleep. But I have. And you know what? It works for us and things are getting easier.

Oh and trust your Mommy intuition... And Daddy intuition (Mr. P sure has a good one). And do what works for your family and what is best for your little one.

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So now I want YOU to tell me about something you said you'd never do. Write up a post, add my Mastering Mommyhood Monday button and link up!

Grab the button below and then 'Click to enter' to add your blog post!

A Top Night...

2011-01-14T22:43:00.001-07:00

My Little Jacob,

Tonight may go down as one of my absolute favorite nights with you so far. For no specific reason at all other than the fact that we had a blast together. You and I had a date night. Dad took off for Cripple Creek with Uncle Mike and V, so we had the whole house to ourselves.

We met up with Mrs. H (from Shutterbug's Snapshots) and her little girl. You fell in love with your new lovie (a taggie blanket made by Mrs. H that has giraffes and other safari animals on it) while we chatted over tea and coffee from Starbucks. We wandered around Target and discussed the best baby products out these days. You only fussed when you started to get tired so I loaded you back up in the car and we set off towards home. You fell asleep within minutes and didn't make a peep the entire ride home.

Once we got home you were content to play with Octo while I started on the new bookcase for your room. You did get a little bored so I set you up watching your favorite Baby Einstein video and you were happy and quiet for a whole hour. You sure do love those puppets, especially the horse that eats the flower. You always smile when you know it's coming up. You find that silly little pony absolutely hilarious. You let me put together the bookcase, move it upstairs, unpack all of your new books from Gram (that were mine when I was younger) and even your knick-knacks before you even started to get bored.

We went back downstairs and you had a good 15 spoonfuls of cereal while I enjoyed my lasagna. You swallowed 80% of what went into your mouth, instead of letting it drip out the sides. You try and stick your tongue out and lick the spoon as it gets close to your mouth. It completely cracks me up. You also like to put your hands in your mouth and then rub your cereal covered fingers all over your face. I love wiping cereal off of your eyebrows... seriously.

Just a few minutes after dinner it was time for your bath. You didn't cry when I put you in your crib and turned on your mobile (so I could set up the bath). You laughed and giggled when I pulled off your socks.

When I put you in the bath you immediately relaxed and started to enjoy yourself. I let you get ahold of the wash cloth and we played a little tug-o-war with it while you smiled and cooed at me. It was hilarious and I don't think I've laughed that much in quite a while. When I tried to clean your neck rolls you laughed even harder. It must have tickled because you couldn't stop. You did the same thing when I scrubbed the bottoms of your feet. You crack me up kid. You're hilarious and I absolutely love that you're so ticklish. When I let the water run over your tummy you lifted your arms up to tried and catch it. You find water so fascinating and I love to watch your brain turn and process. I can see you studying the water and trying to figure out exactly what it is. It's amazing to see you learning so much so quickly.

After your bath you laughed and giggled while I rubbed in your lotion, especially when I got to your feet. You literally sucked down your medicine and only spit out a drop or two. You didn't cry when I put your arms into your pajamas or when I wrapped you up in your blanket. You filled your little tummy and drifted off to sleep on my chest. You woke up when I laid you down and looked at me with a little smile when I kissed you good night. And then you turned your head, closed your eyes and fell back asleep without a single tear.

It was a beautiful and absolutely perfect night. There wasn't anything extraordinary that happened but I will never forget the unbelievable amount of happiness that you brought into my life tonight little man. Your little smiles and giggles made this whole day one of the best we've ever had. My heart feels like it is overflowing with love for you. I never knew it was possible to love you even more until tonight.

Thank you for proving me wrong. I love you more than either of us will ever understand, until the end of time. Someday I hope you will have a little baby who can light up your life, like you light up mine.

Until then....

I love you.

Love,
Mommy

Me-Time

2011-01-14T11:19:00.000-07:00

Today was day #1 of my attempt to make an hour or so for myself every day.

And I think I'm being a little overdramatic with the word attempt, because I didn't just attempt... I succeeded!

I woke up this morning determined to make it to a yoga class. I found an awesome deal for 5 weeks of unlimited yoga for $40 (on Groupon - check it out if you haven't already). It's at a local yoga center that I'd never heard of, but I am SO glad that I purchased it and decided to go.

I've never actually taken a yoga class in a studio. I've done yoga at home on my own and yoga with a DVD, so this was a completely new experience for me. When I was pregnant I did yoga almost every single day. Just basic poses and stretching. I always walked away from my own sessions feeling relaxed and renewed.

The class completely built on what I'd taught myself at home. I felt confident. I felt strong. I was focused. I felt like I could let go of all of my worries, stress and tension and just relax. I felt so comfortable with everyone in the class and the instructor. I walked out feeling renewed.

I am so glad that I went. I can't wait to go back and honestly, I kind of want to keep doing poses today because I felt so good afterwards. I can already feel a difference in my neck and shoulders. I carry my stress there and they've been tight and sore lately.

So. Day #1 of Me-Time. Success.

Oh and PS - before I went I set up the Keurig for Mr. P's coffee (so all he had to do was press BREW), got a bottle ready for Jacob, laid out his clothes and made breakfast burritos so Mr. P could have an easy breakfast. Does that cancel the whole thing out?? Hmmmm.

(Not So) Wordless Wednesday (Thursday)....

2011-01-13T01:06:00.000-07:00

I totally would have had this up on Wednesday and not 1:00am Thursday morning, but I've been ripping apart my house looking for my camera cable so I could upload these pics. I finally realized that Mr. P's camera uses the same type of cable... So I snagged it for a few minutes! I still haven't found mine... Sigh.

Mr. P and I took a trip to visit my Mom in Texas this past week. We spent one evening looking through my old baby book and pictures. We were absolutely amazed at how much Jacob looks like I did as a baby. It's crazy. So of course I had to scan in the pictures so I could share my adorableness.

And finally.... I give you...

Exhibit A:

Mrs. P

Jacob

Exhibit B:

Mrs. P

Jacob

And PS - yes, I did add a copyright and watermark to those pictures. And I'll probably continue to do so in the future. I've read far too many articles on blog scraping and heard far too many horror stories about people stealing pictures and whatnot from the internet to create fake identities. In all honesty it freaks me out, so this is just one precaution I'm taking to protect us so I can continue to blog!

Finding the Sunlight

2011-01-11T17:27:00.000-07:00

For the first time in 3 weeks my reader is empty (it was up to 360 unread at one point), the baby is asleep (for how long, I know not, but I'll take it), the house is quiet (messy, but quiet), the toys are put away and organized. For the first time in 3 weeks I'm not feeling completely overwhelmed and anxious.

BUT....

There is laundry to do. There are dishes in the sink. The counters have sugar all over them from coffee this morning. The carpets need vacuuming (there are still fake pine needles hanging around). The DVR needs emptying. Jacob's clothes need folding. Pictures need editing. Bills need paid. Dinner needs cooked. The new menu for work needs studying...

I feel like I am in an endless cycle. Work, clean, baby, husband, repeat.

Notice that there is no Mom in that? Also notice the disappearance of this blog and my friends in my current life? Oh - and there isn't a whole lot of sleep going on at the current moment either.

Needless to say the past few weeks have had their ups and downs. There were moments that I felt as though I was in the bottom of a dark deep hole and it was all I could do to scrape at the sides and keep the sunlight in view. It has taken so much energy to keep from fading into the darkness.

BUT....

There were also moments full of warmth and happiness. Full of peace and quiet and perfection. Moments full of more love than I ever thought possible and moments that I will always hold close to my heart. Those are the moments I relive over and over again when the darkness starts to overwhelm me and I am able to find the warmth of the sun once again.

Those are the moments that I crave. The moments where my world is perfect.

Like opening gifts on Christmas morning with my little man and amazing husband.

Like watching my boys cuddle on the couch.

Like mornings in bed with Jacob and Mr. P.

There is nothing in the world better than those moments. And I am so looking forward to a lifetime full of them.

BUT...

Something does have to change. I need some mommytime. Scratch that. I need some ME time, because I'm not just a mommy. I need to learn to take a moment for myself each and every day. Even if it's just a few minutes to sit and relax with a cup of coffee and write a blog post.

So that is my goal this year (since I never make resolutions) - to spend a little bit of time each day focusing on myself.

And I have faith that taking just a moment for me will make those perfect moments so much better when they occur. I'll finally be able to live in the moment and soak up sunlight.

4 Months

2010-12-27T10:55:00.001-07:00

My Little Jacob,

Well what a month it has been! Daddy is home and you are getting to know him. You have grown and changed a lot more this month than in the previous three. Sometimes I wake up, walk into your room and pick you up and you feel even bigger than when I put you down for the night. You are growing by leaps and bounds. I see more of a little boy in you every day.

Here is what you've been up to:

The last time we went to the doctor, about two weeks ago, you weighed 13 pounds 9 ounces. You're weight gain is slowing down some, but that's completely normal. We measured you at 15 weeks and you were 23 5/8 inches long. You're probably up to 24 inches now! I cannot believe you've grown 4 inches since you were born.
We moved you up to size 2 diapers last week. The size 1-2 still fit, but they're a little tight around your chubby legs!
You still fit into most of your 0-3 month onesies, but you also fit into the 3-6 month onesies. The pants you wear are 6 month. I'm pretty sure at this point that anything up to 6 months would fit you. Although you are about to outgrow all of your Broncos outfits!
At the beginning of this month, you were gladly taking bottles from Daddy, but the past week you decided you wanted nothing to do with them. We aren't quite sure why you've suddenly changed your mind, but it is very frustrating for all of us while I am away at work.
I can tell you're always hungry so we tried spooning you a bit of rice cereal with milk. You're still pushing things out with your tongue, so we'll wait another few weeks on the cereal.
Sleep is kind of hit or miss these days. You generally fall asleep around 7:45. You wake up for your first feeding at 1 or 1:30 and from that point we are up about every 2 hours (if not sooner). I think that you wake up starving, since you won't eat while I am at work (poor boy!). After your second feeding (when I'm really tired) you and I generally curl up in the guest bed for the rest of the night. You love cuddling. We get up for the day around 7!
You really hate to nap! You are so alert and interested in everything going on around you that you have a hard time falling asleep. You generally take a LOT of small, 30 minute naps throughout the day. We also have a really hard time getting you to sleep anywhere other than your crib (and the car seat) nowadays.
You are so strong it absolutely amazes me. You completely support your own weight when you are standing. You only need us for balance! You are very close to sitting on your own. You can pull yourself forward when you're reclining, but you still fall forward onto your feet. I've become a little paranoid about you falling off of the couch now.

Speaking of feet - you found them this past week! You love holding on to them and we can see your brain trying to figure out how to get them into your mouth.
Pretty much everything goes into your mouth these days too. Blankets, fingers, Mommy and Daddy's fingers, toys, arms, bibs. If you can grab it, it goes straight towards your mouth.
You have rolled from your tummy to your back three times now. You can get from your back to your side very easily, but you haven't made it all the way over yet. Soon! You don't enjoy being on your tummy for very long so I don't think you're super motivated to roll over just yet!
You absolutely LOVE anything with lights and music. Any toy that makes sound catches your attention.
You love watching Baby Einstein. You actually received 5 different videos for Christmas! Anytime a baby comes on the screen you smile. You also like to screech at the crab in Baby Beethoven and the lion always makes you jump! You also really like Baby MacDonald because of the animals and music!
We still haven't seen any teeth poke through, but they're getting closer! Somedays they bother you more than others. You really like to chew on your fingers to help with the pain on those days.
You are pretty shy with other people. You will smile and then turn your head away and bury it into a blanket or my shoulder. A few seconds later you'll glance up and then turn away again. It's absolutely adorable.
You are talking and making sounds all the time now. You've starting to make an "mmm" sound! You also say "yah!". You tend to say it after we've asked a question like "Mommy is silly isn't she?" and you'll respond with a "yah!" which cracks us both up.
It's easier and easier to get you to smile and giggle these days. You're very ticklish on your ribs. You love when I tickle you with my nose and make little noises and sounds at the same time. You will give me the biggest smile if I alternate kissing your cheeks and saying MWAH! You always smile for Daddy when he's showing you how to high-five. You love when he plays with your fingers.

So much has changed in the past month, my little one. We have gone from being a separated family of three to a complete and (finally) whole family of three. Our routines have changed, but they've changed for the better now that Daddy is home. It took a little bit of time to adjust but it's been so worth it.

We are still struggling with your reflux somedays, but I think it's starting to get better. Or maybe we are just getting better at managing it. It's so wonderful to you happy and content instead of in pain.

I am constantly amazed by how smart you are. You are always making Daddy and I laugh and smile. I am so excited to see you continuing to grow and change into a little boy. You warm my heart every single day and I have never been more thankful in my life.

We love you, little boy!

Love,

Mommy & Daddy

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T06:00:00.002-07:00

Merry Christmas!!!! Jacob, Mr. P and I wish you all the most wonderful of Christmases!!

I pray that everyone is able to spend it with family and has a great day! I will be heading to work shortly, but not before I get to watch Jacob open his gifts!

Merry, Merry Christmas to all of my fantastic readers!

A Perfect Christmas Eve....

2010-12-25T00:19:00.001-07:00

We cheated. It's 11:52 on Christmas Eve and Mr. P and I have already opened our gifts. Oops.

In all honesty we did the same thing last year. Because I have to work on Christmas, opening gifts early has become kind of a tradition of ours. It just feels more like Christmas right now than it will tomorrow morning when I'm worried about getting to work on time.

Our kitchen is full of new appliances (you know you're getting old when....). Mr. P gave me a KitchenAid (YES!) and a new CrockPot and I gave him a Keurig. We are so excited to get to use all of our new stuff! I can't even wait. I want to bake cookies right now. For real. I need a lot of practice before I'm top mom quality.

And I feel so content and happy. I love giving gifts. I love to see other people's eyes light up when they rip open the wrapping to find something they never expected and love all at the same time. It just makes my day. It warms my heart.

I told Mr. P earlier that we needed to have a tradition all our own. One where we share a special drink every Christmas Eve while we are finishing the Christmas touches. And maybe open one special gift just between the two of us. I remember all of our silly holiday traditions from childhood (and a part of me really, truly misses them) and I want to have traditions now that I have a family of my own. I always wonder if my Mom and Dad shared something secret and special when they were setting up for Christmas late at night (other than Christmas cookies). And even if they didn't I want to build that tradition within our family.

So here we are. The lights from the Christmas tree are casting a beautiful glow around our living room and I'm listening to Amy Grant on Pandora. Mr. P is playing his new video game (and the sound of gunshots is also filling our living room). And I am in heaven. For the first time this year I've actually felt the Christmas magic. I am with my husband and I am happy. My little boy is snoozing peacefully upstairs and tomorrow I'll put on his Christmas outfit and bring him downstairs. He will be so excited about ripping the paper away from all of his new toys. I can't even wait to see his eyes light up when he gets to see a new toy to play with!

And secretly, I'm already looking forward to next year when he is listening for reindeer hooves on the roof.

Mommy Brain

2010-12-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

When you're pregnant everyone always talks about pregnancy brain and the forgetfulness that you will experience. You expect it and you look for it. When it happens it's not that big of a deal because you've been waiting for a palm to forehead moment.

Well no one warns you about mommy brain. I have recently discovered that although I was able to mostly escape pregnancy brain, mommy brain is now wreaking havoc on my life.

For instance...

I kind of let our laundry stack up and I decided that Monday would be the day to tackle it. I was down to putting my last load in the washer. I threw my mediums into the dryer and then proceeded to start the water for the whites. I let it run and added soap, bleach and fabric softener. I hurried back to the bedroom to fold my darks that had just come out of the dryer. Well about an hour later I heard the dryer stop. I gleefully skipped up the stairs, popped open the dryer, threw the mediums on the bed and opened the washer to transfer my last load. Well, to my surprise the washer was completely empty. Uh, ok. I peeked around the corner and into the bedroom to see my small pile of whites still sitting on the floor where I'd left them that morning. Oops. I had just run an entire washer cycle with no clothes (insert first palm to forehead moment of the day) And Mr. P is on a water saving kick (oh, my bad. sorry honey....). But at least our washer is nice and fresh now!

But the story continues...

I had planned to change the laundry and then hop into the shower after putting Jacob down for his nap. So I started the hot/cold water for the white cycle (again), added detergent, bleach and fabric softener (again) and made sure to throw the clothes in this time. I quietly shut our horrible squeaky laundry room doors and headed for the warmth of my shower. I turned on the water to let it heat up, took out my ponytail and brushed my hair and then jumped in. And I was greeted by icy cold water. I suddenly realized that all of our limited hot water was in our nice fresh washing machine along with my whites (again - insert second palm to forehead moment of the day).

My dream of a quiet, peaceful and hot shower (and clean shaven legs) went swirling down the drain. I spent the next three minutes frantically rinsing shampoo and conditioner out of my hair while trying to control my chattering teeth. Needless to say - my legs are still hairy (and once again - sorry honey!).

And on top of that, when I finally turned off the freezing water, grabbed a towel and reached for my cup of coffee (with peppermint creamer, yum), I realized I'd left it sitting on the counter downstairs. I'd finally figured out the perfect coffee to water ratio and I only got to enjoy a few sips out of it (insert third palm to forehead moment of the day).

Let's just say that after Monday my forehead is going to have a permanent red mark, compliments of the mommy brain.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

Kicking back with Daddy.

Where Are You Christmas?

2010-12-21T05:00:00.001-07:00

Have you ever seen Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas? You know that song that Cindy Loo Who sings? It's called Where Are You Christmas? Yeah - it's kind of a silly song, but it's a pretty good descriptor of how I feel this year.

I've always loved Christmastime. It's always been one of my favorite times of year. I love putting up the tree, wrapping presents, the lights, the cookies, the music, you name it, I love it. But this year there just isn't any magic in it for me. Not a single clue why. It actually kind of sucks, in all honesty. I want so badly for this to be an amazing Christmas, especially since it's Jacob's first, but it just feels like any other time of the year.

I'm pretty sure the only reason I was motivated to put up the tree was because I wanted a picture of us all in front of it for our cards. We use a fake tree because in our small town home it's just so much easier. It's kind of lopsided and has some holes, but overall it's pretty, especially with the lights on! I am kind of a perfectionist, so we only use silver and blue ornaments (and all packages must be wrapped in silver and blue). Next year I'm thinking of trying out gold and red, but mostly because I have a ton of red and gold bows that I want to use up! And actually I'm allergic to real pine trees, so I'd break out in hives after putting it up and taking it down - not fun.

About a week ago I made Mr. P and Jacob get all dressed up in polos and I threw on a nice sweater. We combed our hair and brushed our teeth (wow that makes us sound like rednecks...uh), set the timer on the camera and tried to take our very first family portrait (we never took one after Jacob was born...oops). It took quite a few tries. Jacob was not in a smiley mood. Mostly because I accidentally dropped the camera on his head about 5 minutes before we started snapping pics (mother of the year - right here). Mr. P was basically standing on one leg because he'd hurt his foot while hanging out with the boys (I'll spare you the details...). Needless to say, it was a rough little photo shoot!

BUT - I did get a few awesome shots.

I was planning on using the second one for our Christmas card. I actually spent time designing it and everything. I have all of the envelopes addressed and ready to go. And I haven't gotten the cards printed yet. And now that it's so close to Christmas I'm not sure I even will. I really hate not being in the Christmas Spirit.

I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to find the magic in the next 5 days either. I'm working every. single. night this week, including a 10 hour day on Christmas. Pretty depressing isn't it? I love so many things about my job and working holidays is not one of them. The only thing that's keeping me going is the thought of watching my little boy play with all of his new toys. I can't wait to hold him in his Christmas PJ's while he clumsily tries to rip open a package (with help, of course). I want to take a million pictures so that I can remember the day forever. And even though I am not super excited this year, I know that next year, when Jacob actually understands Christmas, I'll completely and 100% make up for my lack of motivation this year.

So Santa, if you're listening, sprinkle some Christmas magic over our home this year. I desperately need it.

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2010-12-20T08:09:00.000-07:00

I think that when you become a mother you become something of an expert planner and a master of preparedness. At least I have. I always have the diaper bag packed with everything I need or may possibly need. If a disaster were to strike while I was out with Jacob, well, I would be more than prepared.

I always have at least two extra outfits for Jacob, a hat, mittens, extra socks, diaper rash cream, lotions and body washes, 5-10 diapers, a big bag of wipes, my homemade nursing cover (uh, it's a blanket with safety pins and it works amazingly well), an extra receiving blanket, 3-5 toys and a teething ring, baby orajel, a few bibs and burp cloths and hand sanitizer. Oh yeah - I carry formula even though Jacob primarily gets expressed breastmilk and a few bottles if needed.

Well let's just say that even though I THOUGHT I was prepared, that's not always the case.

On Friday evening Mr. P and I desperately needed a date night but we were short a babysitter. So we decided to pack up Jacob and take him out with us. It was our first dinner out as a family of three. We were lucky enough to get a booth in the back corner of the restaurant. Jacob was dressed in an adorable little hoodie and was being just as sweet as ever. He was content just sitting in my lap or looking over my shoulder at all of the other diners. Between our salads and the entree I fed him a little bit from a bottle. As always I spent a few minutes burping him (he gets really grumpy if he can't get a burp out).

All of a sudden I felt wet on my stomach. I looked at Mr. P and said "Why am I wet?!" as I was frantically checking Jacob's diaper to make sure he hadn't managed to pee all over me. He was perfectly dry. I looked down and there was a HUGE wet spot on my stomach. Just at that moment Mr. P looked at me with a disgusted face and said "EW! It's all over your chest and necklace too!!".

Well apparently Jacob had decided he didn't just need to burp and he managed to aim it perfectly down my shirt. And I hadn't noticed until I'd felt the wet spot. What a sneaky little devil my son is. Sneaky, sneaky. Oh and did I mention he didn't get a single drop on himself?

So needless to say I spent the rest of dinner eating my lobster ravioli with baby throw up down my shirt. And after the initial shock I couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation! What a funny memory for our first dinner out as a family of three. I'm sure that'll be a story to tell all of his future girlfriends!!

So this weeks tip for mastering mommyhood: even if you think your diaper bag is ready for every possible mishap, it's not complete unless you've packed an extra shirt for yourself.

Uh... Excuse my lack of excuses...

2010-12-18T22:23:00.000-07:00

I have no excuses. I haven't been busy or stressed. I just haven't been in the mood to blog.

This is the first time in about a week that I've opened the computer for something OTHER than Baby Einstein. It's not that it has been a super busy week or anything, I just really haven't had the desire to be connected! I've been enjoying hanging out with my husband and the little boy. It's been nice. I've read around 800 pages of Harry Potter in the past few days, watched a few hours of tv (very few), watched close to 50 games of Halo (and yes, I enjoy it), cooked, slept and just generally enjoyed my little technology vacation.

I am curled up on the end of the couch, with my legs outstretched in Mr. P's lap. He's playing Halo (and we are discussing good sniping locations) and I'm finally writing (and chatting). We just finished some Chipotle and I'm enjoying a glass (or two) of wine while he has a Rolling Rock. And let me tell you - it feels AMAZING.

I left work early because we were over-staffed and I really wasn't needed. Mr. P had been texting me during break and letting me know just how frustrated he and Jacob were. I feel so bad for both of them. Mr. P was upset because Jacob was screaming (literally, for hours) and not in a pleasant mood. He hasn't been napping very well lately and I can't seem to figure out why! He will sleep for about 30 minutes at a time during the day. At night he'll go for a few hours. Teeth? Growth spurt? Hunger? Just a normal sleep cycle? I have no clue and it's frustrating, for all of us. His lack of sleep results in a lot of crying and fussing. It's really NOT a good combination.

Well anyways - Jacob was unbelievably fussy while I was away at work and he really just needed to cuddle with Mama I think. I miss him so much while I'm away, even if it's just for a few hours. I never thought that it was possible to miss someone more than I missed my husband while he was deployed. But every time I leave my little boy I can't help but marvel at how much I miss him. When I got home I scooped him up and fed him a little bit (which helped calm him) and then we played for about an hour. All I wanted to do was hold him, squeeze him, kiss him and love on him. It was like I just couldn't get enough. He smiled and giggled and seemed to be happy.

And I wonder how it must feel for Mr. P when that happens. How it must feel when I walk into the room, put my hand on Jacob's chest and he starts to calm down. Does he understand that there is an unrivaled bond between mother and child? Does it hurt him to see that? I know it must be difficult to come into parenthood after a few months. It must be hard to learn all of the little things that help to calm and soothe the baby. It's has to be stressful to deal with a fussy and crying baby and not have had the chance to build the kind of bond that Jacob and I have. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that would be. And I know that I've married the right man when he is able to walk away, take a breath and release all of that frustration.

But all in all, it really has been a decent week! We are finally getting into a routine and I'm trying to get into the Christmas spirit. I promise that there are more posts coming your way and tons of pictures!!!! Here is a little teaser!

Crashing and Crumbling

2010-12-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

There was a time that I absolutely loved Jacob's nursery. Before he was born I would sit in his room and take it all in. I would envision how it would be to hold him in my arms. I loved the way his room looks with the lamp on and the ambiance that it sets. I loved the way it smells. I loved the small collection of giraffes on his dresser and the handmade bear given to him at the baby shower. I loved every single thing about his nursery.

And now I find myself dreading the time I have to spend in there. I feel like I have done nothing but sit in the chair in his nursery and try to get him to sleep. There are indentations in the carpet next to his crib from where I stand and bounce him to try to put him to sleep. I've memorized the pattern on the curtains and how many times his mobile plays 'Rock-a-bye Baby'. A part of me is really starting to not enjoy being in his room.

And that really upsets me.

For the past 5 days I haven't felt like myself. I find myself getting angry over silly things and irritated by things that are small and trivial. I feel like I'm getting frustrated with Jacob because he won't nap during the day. And when it's nap time I feel a sense of dread wash over me with every step I take towards his room, because I know that an hour long struggle is about to ensue (for a 30 minute nap).

I don't like the person that I have become since his reflux kicked back in full force (and he's decided not to nap). I don't like the fact that I'm a ticking time-bomb and very possibly may freak out for no reason. I feel like I'm moody and irritated more than I'm happy. I am just not myself.

And honestly, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get him to nap longer and more frequently. I don't know if it's his lack of napping and the reflux that are turning me into someone I don't recognize or if he's sensing my inner-struggle and it's keeping him awake. I feel like the last week has been the hardest I've ever had with him. And the hardest for me personally.

I don't understand how I was so strong throughout the entire time that Mr. P was deployed and now I am crashing and crumbling. It's just not like me and I'm so confused and shocked by the woman that I've become. I've always felt like a strong capable mother and now I feel like I'm back at day one and completely overwhelmed just by the thought of caring for Jacob.

I know that this will pass and most likely his lack of daytime sleep is just a phase, but right now I feel kind of lost and helpless. I'm going to start charting his sleep and see if I can find a pattern in what works well for him. Hopefully we can get him back onto a normal schedule and sleeping more regularly, because we all really need it. I miss my happy smiley baby. And I want to be myself again - for Jacob and Mr. P.

Jacob's Christmas List

2010-12-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last few days searching Amazon for gift ideas for the little guy. Mr. P and I have already discussed what we were thinking of getting him for Christmas and I just wanted to browse for more specific ideas. Yeah - I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet either. I know what I'm getting every one but I just haven't purchased any of it yet. I'm kind of a procrastinator in that department. Oops.

So here are our plans for the little man this year:

1. Fisher Price Space Saver High Chair - We decided on a space saver high chair because our dining room is already small. And carpeted. And because I'm addicted to reading reviews on Amazon I know that this one is worth every penny (and we haven't even bought it yet). Sure - it's not really fun for Jacob, but he's only 3 months and won't really know the difference. And he need a high chair soon, because before we know it he's going to be eating solids!

Fisher Price Space Saver High Chair in Tan

2. Fisher Price Rainforest Jumparoo - My child is not a big fan of sitting down. If you're holding him he would really rather be standing on your lap and looking around. He can completely support his own weight already and he only needs us for balance, so I figured this little contraption would be GREAT! I was originally going to get an exersaucer, but a friend mentioned that the babies really love the ability to jump (when they get to that age) so I figured this would last us a little bit longer. Baby toys are literally about to invade our living room (at least the other half of it anyways).

Fisher Price Rainforest Jumparoo

3. Baby Einstein DVD's - Yes. I let my child watch Baby Einstein. There are times that he screams and the only thing that will calm him down is sitting on Mama's lap with the computer and watching a short bit of Baby Einstein. He. Loves. Them. Specifically Baby Van Gogh, Baby Beethoven and Baby MacDonald. So I'm going to get him some DVD's so that he can watch a whole video. How can I deny my child random pictures and video clips, hand puppets and classical music??

4. Toys - I'm all for classic, simple toys. Jacob's favorite toy is a little red rattle with small bendy handles that he can chew on. It cost me $3.50. Oh and he really loves anything that makes music! Once he's old enough I'd really like for him to continue to play with more simple, educational toys and use his imagination! I did when I was a kid (and I think my crazy imagination has infiltrated my dreams, but I digress). It's important for children to learn to play on their own and I want to help him develop that skill. So for toys this year he will be getting basic, simple toys that he can play with for a while, like these:

5. Sophie the Giraffe - My kid is teething something fierce. I can see like 4 teeth on top and at least 2 on the bottom that are getting ready to come through. And it's been ROUGH. He spends most of the day with his hands in his mouth. He makes an L with his pointer finger and thumb and sticks them both in his mouth so he can get to all of the sore spots at once - we have a genius on our hands here, obviously. I really think he'd love to have Sophie to chew on. Plus - his nursery theme is giraffes, so she can sit on the shelf in the future! HA!

6. Clothing - In all honesty, he doesn't need much at all. He's still wearing most of his 0-3 month stuff and some of his 3-6 month outfits. His wardrobe is too big right now and I have a hard time getting him through everything! I think I might get him a few more sleepers (since he only has three that fit) and maybe some Puma socks (because those are the only ones that stay on), but not much else! He's got enough to last the first year!

So for Baby's First Christmas it'll be pretty good I think!!! I'm a little sad we won't get to play Santa, but there are many years to look forward to in the future! I really just can't wait to see him playing with wrapping paper and all of his new toys!!! It's going to be a blast to share Christmas morning with my little guy.

I think I'd better get shopping - meaning, clicking. I'm doing all of my Christmas shopping online this year! Yipee! It's so much easier, especially since I won't have to tote Jacob around with me!

Oh and I better get the Christmas tree up soon too! I've been slacking in that department. I haven't even turned on my Christmas music yet. I really need to get in the Christmas mood. I'm not and it makes me kind of sad!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-08T12:52:00.000-07:00

He may or may not have had help getting it there.... I'll never tell.

Dear Santa...

2010-12-07T04:00:00.003-07:00

This year there isn't a whole lot on my Christmas List. I already have Mr. P home and a healthy baby boy in my arms and that is more than enough to bring me joy this Christmas season.

But if you must know what I'm wishing for this season, here you go:

1. A KitchenAid Mixer - Yes, I know you're officially considered a grown up when you start wishing for appliances, but I so want one. I want to be able to get in lots of practice making cookies and cakes before Jacob is old enough to eat them! I want to be able to whip up a yummy after school treat when Jacob brings friends home. I want to be THAT Mama - the one who always has awesome cupcakes and chewy chocolate chip cookies sitting on the counter on a Sunday afternoon. Plus - I have a heck of a sweet tooth.

KitchenAid KSM150APSCS Stand Mixer, Architect 5 Qt. Tilt-Head

2. Miracle by Lancome - This has been my signature scent since I graduated high school and I stopped wearing it when I was pregnant because it kind of made me sick. But now I would love to wear it again and I'm all out!!

Lancôme MIRACLE Eau de Parfum Spray, 3.4 Fl. Oz.

3. A Barnes and Noble Gift Card - So I can download a bunch of eBooks. I bought a nook over the summer and I. Love. It. It is absolutely my favorite purchase and now I'm ready for some new books! Oh - and I would really LOVE for J.K. Rowling to publish all of her books in eBook format (she won't because she thinks it promotes piracy, but now people are just giving away free copies of it online...ironic).

Barnes & Noble

4. A New Crock Pot - Because the one I have was made in the 80's. No joke. My Mom gave it to me when she moved and although I LOVE it, I'm ready for a newer one that isn't 80's green.

Crock Pot SCVC604H-SS, 6 Qt.

5. Bronco's Jersey - Yes. They suck this year. I realize that. But I'm still a fan! I will always be a Broncos fan and I will always support my team. I do, however, need a new jersey. Every time I buy one that specific player gets traded the next year. It's quite annoying. Oh and I'm cheap and buy youth sizes because I prefer the way that they fit. I HATE wearing gigantic jerseys because I feel like I'm swimming (and wearing a dress since they're so long), so I go for the smaller ones that are shorter and more form fitting! I have no clue what player I'd like though - someone who isn't going to get traded anytime soon!!!

Reebok Denver Broncos Champ Bailey Jersey

6. A Spa Day - I get great deals on spa treatments at work and I would love nothing more than a chance to go relax. We have a beautiful room that overlooks the mountains and I'd love to curl up on one of the couches under a cashmere blanket and read a new eBook. Plus - the massages and treatments are absolutely A-MAZ-ING.

And even though there are some "toys" that I want, all I really want is to celebrate with my family on Christmas Day (and not have to work 12 hours). I wish I could see my Mom to celebrate (but that's harder than it sounds and we'll see her a few weeks later) or spend some time at my Dad's house. I wish I could join in and have Christmas dinner somewhere other than the cafe at work (at least it's free on Christmas). I wish I could hang out with Mr. P's family and watch all three of our little boys play and have fun. I wish I didn't have to spend the day serving other people and making minimal tips. I wish I could have just one holiday off to share with the people I actually care about (yeah, yeah, so I had Thanksgiving but I was still on Maternity leave...). The gifts are just secondary to the desire to spend my holiday with my family. Santa - that's what I want the most.

Love,

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2010-12-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

Right before Mr. P came home I was feeling like I was on top of the world. I had on my shiny Super-Mama cape and I knew exactly what to do for Jacob, when to do it and how to do it. Even though he was kind of fussy I'd mastered being his Mama. Or so I thought.

If you didn't read about the perfect storm that hit our house last week check it out here. Teething, growth spurts and winter colds are just NOT a good combination. And all of that has made our day to day life a little bit difficult. We were thrown off of our routines and I feel like I'm back at square one.

Super-Mama cape is completely ripped and torn.

All of a sudden I feel like a brand new mom again. He cries and I have to stop and think about what he might want. Diaper? Hungry? Bored? It doesn't feel as instinctual as it felt just a few short weeks ago! He's throwing new things into the mix, like teething pain and a growth spurt, that are forcing me to open my eyes yet again and actually ponder what the issue might be!

I've spent countless hours perusing the internet for ideas on how to make him stop fussing and I've tried about a thousand different things. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. But the things that do work are being filed in the back of my mind for the next time he fusses (a whole hour later, most likely).

We haven't gotten back on our routine yet and it's beating both of us up! He's grumpy because he's tired and I'm grumpy because he's tired and neither of us can sleep because we are both really tired. Talk about a catch 22. I cannot wait until we find our groove and I can patch up my cape and resume my normal Super-Mama duties!

So don't ever start to think you've got it all mastered and motherhood has become, dare I say it, easy. Because as soon as you think you're getting the hang of things the little one will inevitably throw a 90 mile per hour curve ball straight at you. You don't even see it coming and all of a sudden it's smacked you right-smack in the forehead (and left lace marks as proof).

And don't let it get you down when your Super-Mama cape is ripped and in need of a few patches. It's impossible to be perfect and in control 100% of the time and I think that's the biggest lesson I've learned this week! I can't always be a control freak and Jacob is never going to let me. I'm learning how to relinquish some of that control and just go with the flow (and mark that as the first big life lesson my little man has taught me). Kids and babies are all about being flexible, adjusting to new situations and having a good time. And even through all of the fussiness, growth spurts and teething, one single smile of his makes it all worth while.

The Perfect Storm

2010-12-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

Why is it that as soon as I have a chance to sit down, focus on the blog and actually write I can’t seem to get anything on the page? The husband is out of the house (enjoying some beers across the parking lot) and the baby is in bed. I’m curled up on my couch with a glass of Malbec chatting with a close girlfriend and I’m completely at a loss! I just don’t know what to say. I even have a list of ideas I’ve brainstormed and I’ve been staring at that blank cursor for about an hour now.

I feel like this is the first chance I’ve had to breathe in the past 9 days! Every moment since homecoming has been amazing. Even though we’ve been battling colds, teething and a growth spurt it has been wonderful having Mr. P home.

I kind of feel like in this past week we were hit by the perfect storm. Jacob has been showing signs of teething for quite a few weeks, but it really looks like his canine teeth are about to poke through (yeah, he’s going to look like a vampire...). He wants nothing more than to sit and chew on my fingers, my sweatshirt, his hands or a toy. He’s drooling like a crazy mad man. And all of this has made him rather fussy. I just can’t wait for those two teeth to pop through. Oh. My. Goodness. I’d welcome their appearance any day now.

And if teething isn’t bad enough Jacob just went through his very first growth spurt over the weekend. He went from going to bed at 8, waking at 4 and then getting up for the day around 7, to waking up EVERY. TWO. HOURS. I haven’t had to drag my butt out of bed for a feeding more than once a night for weeks. And all of a sudden he wanted to eat all the time. I think I spent 2 whole days without a shirt on! My poor little boy was moody and fussy. It was awful! And now all he wants to do is sleep! He’s never been big on naps but in the last day he’s taken 5 or 6 a day!

Oh - and Mr. P came home from Afghanistan with a cold. One of his soldiers wound up with one just before they left and Mr. P managed to fight it off until he got home. And of course Jacob and I ended up with it. So for the last 2 days we have been battling a stuffy nose, scratchy and itchy throat and some crazy exhaustion (probably from the growth spurt!). Breathing with your mouth open does not make you feel very attractive, that’s for sure!

And even though everything that could go wrong has gone wrong we are still alive and kicking. Some days are harder than others, but we’re making it! It’s amazing to watch Mr. P with Jacob and my heart melts every time Jacob giggles or smiles at us (which is pretty frequently when he isn’t fussing).

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-01T05:00:00.002-07:00

3 Months

2010-11-30T05:00:00.004-07:00

My Little Jacob,

Three whole months. I just can't believe how quickly time flies. You are a whole 3 months. A quarter of a year! Just 9 more months until you're a year old! Wow. You have grown and changed so much in these past few months. It is just crazy for us to go back and look at your 2 month photos.

In this last month:

You weighed 13 pounds 1 ounce at your last doctor's appointment 2 weeks ago. At your 2 month check up you were 23 1/2 inches long. In both height and weight you are in the 75th percentile. You're head is still in the 10th, though. I'm pretty sure you still have a good sized head for you age.
You are now wearing size 1-2 diapers! The size 1's are officially too small.
You still wear size 0-3 month in onesies, but you're up to 3-6 month in sleepers. You've even worn a few things that are size 6 month! Although even more of your clothes have gone into the 'too small' box, your wardrobe has still expanded.
We've tried to give you a few bottles with formula lately, but you're just too smart and you scream through them. You're going to have to get used to it soon, because I'm going back to work now!
Otherwise - you eat like a little piggy! During the day you like to snack. You eat a small meal every few hours. You only eat once throughout the night.
You fall asleep around 8 in the evening and don't wake up to eat until 3 or 4. We usually get up for the day around 7.
You really dislike taking naps. You take lots of little ones, until 3 or 4 and then you'll sleep for 2 hours. Rarely will you sleep longer than 2 hours in a day. I think you're afraid you'll miss too much!
When you are awake you like to be actively stimulated. We spend the entire day moving around the living room looking at different things, changing positions, playing with new toys, listening to music and watching videos.
You love quite a few of your toys, but the red one is by far your favorite. The handles are small enough that you can fit it in your mouth. Sometimes you try to shove them in when you're holding it vertically and it's pretty amusing to watch you try and stretch your mouth around it!

You've gained enough control to be able to grasp a toy and lift it to your mouth. And that's the first place everything (fingers, toys, blankets, my shirts) goes.
You are still amazed by Octo but you've discovered other toys on your gym and spend just as much time playing with those.
You love the Baby Einstein videos I play for you on my computer. Your favorite is Baby Van Gogh. Although Baby Neptune is a close second.
You are always trying to roll over. Two days ago you rolled from your tummy to your back completely by accident, twice. When I cheered for you, you realized what happened and got scared and started crying! Today you spent 20 minutes trying to roll from your back to you stomach. You just can't seem to get over your shoulder, but you will soon.
You are almost sitting up on your own. In the last 2 days you've built enough strength to keep yourself from falling forward but you're still working on balancing. I think you'll have it within the next week!
You love to stand on my lap. You can completely support your body weight and balance yourself for a few seconds at a time.
You like to fly over my head as "Super Jacob". I even sing you a little theme song (think Batman ending with Jacob, instead of Batman - duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh JACOB!). You giggle at me every time. You also really like the "BIG stretches" that we do every day by lifting your arms up over your head. You love when I push your legs up and tickle your cheeks with your toes too.
You are smiling more and more every day. I can tell that you recognize Daddy and I. When we walk into a room your automatically look straight at us. When you Dad came home from his deployment you smiled and cooed for him and we're pretty sure you recognized him!
I'm pretty sure we are going to see your first tooth within the next few weeks. Your incisors on the top are pointy and sharp under your gums and I can tell they're hurting you. You're always drooling and chewing on your fingers. I hope they poke through soon so you're a happy baby again!

So like I said - there has been a lot going on for you this month! You've grown so much and you're turning into a little boy right before our eyes and it is absolutely amazing. You've hit quite a few milestones this month and I'm so proud of you! I can't wait to continue to see you grow!

Your Daddy came home when you were 12 weeks old and he couldn't believe how much you'd grown in such a short time! You hardly even look like the same baby! You completely recognized him and although you two are still getting to know each other you really enjoy spending time with him! I look forward to the day when I can watch you learning how to catch a football.

Every day is a new adventure with you my little Jacob. I love spending time with you and even the hardest days are worth it. We love you very much!

Love,

Mommy & Daddy

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2010-11-29T13:11:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I always remember my Mom saying that if I was ever hurt in an accident, my Dad better keep her away from the other driver because she wouldn't be able to control herself. At the time, I didn't know why it was such a big deal. Now that I have Jacob I completely understand.

Driving with a baby in the car is scary. If you've ever been comfortable behind the wheel, add a baby to the mix and that comfort goes completely out the window. I've never, ever, considered myself a paranoid driver. I've never even really had road rage or been angry with other drivers (at least not very often). And heck - I was driving on the farm when I was 11!!

That all changed the first time I had to drive with Jacob in the back seat (and I don't even remember where I was going). For the first time since I was 16 years old, I was anxious and nervous to get in the car. Getting on the highway was one of the scariest things I've ever done (and we only had two exits to go!). For some reason, driving with a small, fragile infant in the back seat is very scary. All I could think about was what would happen if someone hit us or slammed on their brakes in front of us. I spent the entire car trip double checking where all of the other cars were and making sure that no one was close to us.

I have since gotten somewhat used to it, but I'm still paranoid. I find myself getting angry with other drivers for the little things, because they could potentially endanger my son's life. Little things like not using a turn signal when changing lanes, mind you. I spend most of the time on the highway in the right lane. I am still nervous about merging into traffic, especially when it's on the side that Jacob sits on. I double check every move that I make and I never speed. I'd have to say that since having Jacob I've become an even better driver than I once was!

I guess, like many things, it all relates back to the basic instinct to protect the baby. It's just one of those things that mothers do. I'm often amazed by the little things that I worry about now and I know that it's not going to get any better in the future. I can only imagine what a wreck I'm going to be when he turns 16 and gets his license. I know it'll sure be hard to watch him drive away, alone, for the first time.

So I guess the lesson I've learned in all of this is that I am going to worry, about everything. And I've learned that I just need to get used to it! Mom's worry. Period. Get used to it!

Oh - and when your parents tell you that you'll understand one day when you have kids - it's 100% and completely true. I never understood why my Mom was always telling me to be careful and be safe until the day Jacob was born. And if I every DO get in an accident and Jacob gets hurt, someone better be holding me back. I understand now, Mama.

Pumpkin Extravaganza: Pumpkin Bread

2010-11-29T06:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm a little bit late (try 5 days) for the final installment of Pumpkin Extravaganza, but at least I have a good excuse! I mean - if having your husband home for the first time in 9 months isn't a good excuse then I don't know what is!!

So I was planning to make pumpkin pie, but in ALL of my trips to the store before Mr. P returned I somehow neglected to pick up heavy whipping cream. And Wednesday when I set out to bake I discovered that I'd missed that oh-so-important ingredient and I was NOT going back to the grocery store on the day before Thanksgiving, with a baby, just to get heavy whipping cream. Soooooo - I decided on some pumpkin bread and boy was that a great idea.

Jacob and I got all set up and ready to bake, in between all of my cleaning, of course! He was so very excited to help me out, as you can see! This was at 7 am, mind you.

I used this fantastic recipe from allrecipes.com. It was easy, quick and simple to put together! I ended up leaving it in the oven for about an hour and five minutes and the bread came out with a little bit of a hard exterior. I originally thought I'd over-cooked it, but after wrapping it in foil it has softened. I LOVE it now! It has the perfect amount of spice and pumpkin flavor. Nothing was overpowering or lacking in flavor. Over all I was really pleased. Although I do think next time I'll make sure to pull it out on time, so it's not crunchy on the outside.

And that, my friends, is the end of this year's pumpkin extravaganza! For my first few attempts at baking and cooking with pumpkin I am really pleased! I think my favorite was the cheesecake and it was really simple and easy. I do love this bread though. I hope you all enjoyed following our adventures in the kitchen! I can't wait until Jacob is old enough to really help out! Until next year - happy pumpkin baking!

The Night Before....

2010-11-25T09:21:00.001-07:00

*****I wrote this on Tuesday night, just before bed. I feel like it really displays the way I've been feeling as I realized that this was all coming to an end. I really liked how it came out and I wanted to share!! Enjoy!*****

I'm sitting here all alone. But it's my last night alone. My last night without my husband here. It's the last night I have to curl up in bed by myself. I have a pit in my stomach just thinking about seeing my husband again. I am so anxious and so excited I can't stand it. I feel like we have lived this life (a life apart) for so long and it's been so long since he's been gone that having him home is surreal. I can't believe we have finally reached this moment and it's REAL. It's not just a dream anymore. He really is coming home and I will be in his arms within the next 24 hours.

Honestly, I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling. It's like nothing I've EVER felt before in my life. I am excited, I am nervous, I'm anxious, I'm relieved.... And a big part of me hasn't realized that it's actually happening yet. A huge part of me is still in denial that this is all happening. I can't believe it's all over.

I feel like it was a lifetime-ago that I gave him a hug in front of the armory, cried behind my sunglasses, got in his truck (put in the CD I had burned just for the occasion) and drove home, alone. I remember that first day. I remember how I felt when I came home and the house was empty. I spent that first night at my Dad's house because I didn't want to be alone... I felt so empty when I realized how far away this day was.... and yet it's here. It is FINALLY here!

And this is going to be the best Thanksgiving I've ever had in my life, because Mr. P will be here, sharing it with us. We will be surrounded by our family and we will be celebrating together. I truly have something to be thankful for this year.

Deployments teach you to celebrate the time you have together and treasure the little things. They teach you to treasure every. single. moment you have together. They show you how lucky you are to HAVE someone to miss. They show you just how deeply you can love someone else. They prove to you that you've found the right person to spend your life with, because you've realized that you could wait years for this moment. You learn that there is a whole new dimension in loving someone that you never knew existed and you learn to be thankful for that. You will never again take someone, or your time together, for granted. And you know what they mean when they say "the best things are worth waiting for", because the best thing in my life is about to walk back into it.

It's funny, you know. When we exchanged rings at our wedding (2 weeks before Mr. P left) we promised that from that day forward we would never walk alone. We promised our hearts to each other until the end of time (because we had no greater gift to give). And even though we've been half a world apart, I have not walked alone. He has been here, every step of the way, walking right beside me.

And I am so lucky, so blessed, to be able to call such a wonderful man my husband. Through all of this we have stood by each other and loved each other and I know that nothing is ever going to change that. We survived this deployment and no matter what gets thrown our way in the future, I know that we can and we will survive it.

22,932,000 Seconds

2010-11-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

8 months, 2 weeks and 6 days.

37 weeks and 6 days.

265 days.

6,370 hours.

382,200 minutes.

22,932,000 seconds.

That's how long we've been apart. That's how long I've been missing my husband and waiting for his return. I've lived almost 23 million seconds without him here by my side and every single second I've been missing him with everything that I have.

And it doesn't matter anymore, because he is HOME. Yes, you heard me. My husband is home. He is safe and he is healthy and he is home. We are getting to celebrate this holiday together and I am so blessed to be spending it with Mr. P, Jacob and our family.

It is hard to describe the rush of emotions that I felt when I saw him for the first time. Relief, happiness, love, excitement, joy. I never knew I could feel so many things all at once.

This has by far been the most amazing and wonderful Thanksgiving of my life. I have never been happier than I am today (well, with a few exceptions, of course). And even though I have a ton of cooking to do (turkey, gravy, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, butternut squash, cranberry sauce, crescent rolls and cinnamon rolls) the fact that I have my husband home with me for it all makes this day perfect and much more wonderful than I ever could have imagined.

Life is good. All is well with the world. I am completely and utterly happy.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!! I hope you have as much to be thankful about as we do this year!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-24T05:00:00.001-07:00

The poochy lip will get you if you don't watch out,
The poochy lip will get you if you start to pout....

Anyone remember the whole song? Because I can't and I want to sing it to him every time he does this!

I never expected... (Deployment Edition)

2010-11-23T05:00:00.005-07:00

... to find positives in this deployment.

... my baby to be fussy. His reflux makes our days pretty rough sometime, but I can't even begin to get frustrated because I can tell how much he hurts and it breaks my heart.

... to get not one, but two flat tires, in my third trimester, while my husband was gone.

... that I would learn how to ask for help from family and friends, even though I'm shy and completely scared to do it.

... I would make my first big appliance purchase. By myself, no less. Granted I'm getting reimbursed for it, but still. I bought my first refrigerator - and I'm excited about it (wow I am growing up...).

... I would finally stand up for myself and say no. I finally got tired of letting people walk all over me.

... I would apply for multiple jobs and get turned down for all of them. And I never expected the rejection to lead me in a completely new direction. I'm going back to school....within the next year, at least!

... to fall in love with blogging. It has become a place for me to share my thoughts and experiences and I LOVE it.

... to meet some amazing friends - both online and in person. I am so thankful that I finally have some girls to talk to about the most random things. I missed that.

... to become so dependent on my routines. My days after 6:00 pm go exactly the same. Every. Single. Night. I swear the routines are why I made it through this deployment.

... to be so excited for the NEW routines that I will get to make with my husband home. We haven't had a chance to really be a married couple and make our own routines and traditions and I couldn't be more thrilled for that.

... that it was possible to daydream more than I used to. All I can think about it watching my husband hold my son. It's long overdue and I know it is going to make me all warm and fuzzy inside.

... that it was possible to miss someone day in and day out for so long. I still miss him just as much, if not MORE than I did the day he left.

... I would grow even closer with my husband even though we are (literally) half a world apart. You can see the moon from both places at the same time.

... to look back on this deployment and wonder where the time has gone.

... to be able to tell my husband absolutely anything. This deployment has helped our communication in so many ways - and in that respect I am almost, thankful, for it.

... I would be strong enough to survive a deployment - but I DID. It is almost over and we're still going strong.

... that it was possible to love someone even more after such a separation. Absence does make the heart grow fonder - I am a believer.

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2010-11-22T05:00:00.002-07:00

Babies are so peaceful when they sleep. I love when I go peek in at Jacob and his little arms are resting right under his chin and his breathing is slow and rhythmic. He seems so content. Often times he will make a little sucking motion with his mouth and it is so precious (I know he's dreaming about me when he does that!). I could stand in his room and watch him sleep for hours. There is just something so wonderful about watching his facial expressions and wondering what he is dreaming about. I certainly hope he dreams about me!

But he also does some things when he's asleep that can just be downright scary and creepy. He went through a stage where he would sleep with his eyes half open and just as he was entering REM sleep his eyes would roll back in his head and all you could see were the backs of his eyeballs. That's creepy enough when it's an adult, but even weirder when it's a 2 month old baby.

Now that he's a little bit older he does this thing where he will just randomly cry out in the middle of a nap. He hasn't done it at night, thank heavens, but still. He will be peacefully sleeping and content and all of a sudden he's screaming. And before I know it he's back to being quiet and perfect. And he never even wakes up. Ever. It's almost like he has some gas bubble that hurts his little tummy and the only way he can deal with it is by crying out! Either that or he's dreaming about a Mama Milk Shortage... That'd be scary enough for tears, that's for sure!

And honestly, his weird sleep sounds and behaviors totally caught me off guard. The first time I saw the whites of his eyes or heard him cry out I was by his side instantly wondering if he was okay or if I needed to be comforting him. Now that he's a bit older I've discovered that every single sound he makes does NOT mean he needs to be picked up. Babies make noise when they sleep. They yell, the whimper, they coo and they even flail and roll around. Apparently - it's completely normal.

So take my advice and wait a few minutes after they start making noise before you jump up and run into the nursery to scoop up the little one (unless they're choking or something, obviously). 75% of the time Jacob will go back to sleep within a few minutes (or he hasn't even woken up in the first place and is just making baby sleep noises). I cannot even tell you how grateful I am for that extra bit of sleep. And I'm pretty sure Jacob appreciates the opportunity to continue snoozing too!

What a November?!

2010-11-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

You never would guess that it would be 68 degrees in Colorado in mid-November! We are having a serious Indian Summer and it is amazing! Even though a part of me is itching for snow, I'd rather it wait until Mr. P is home! I am thoroughly enjoying the sunshine and warmth!

Jacob and I took a trip to the park a few blocks away to sit under a tree and relax outside. The air was crisp and the sun was shining and warm. It was a beautiful day. And other than the bare trees and the crunchy leaves you would have never known that we are 2 months into fall and closer to the winter season than summer!

I also used the opportunity to snap some pics of Jacob and I. Of course he wasn't very smiley as soon as the camera appeared, but that's okay! He's still just as adorable even when he doesn't smile!

What a great day! I'm so glad we had one last chance to get out and enjoy the warm weather before winter officially sets in. We have a small chance of snow in the next week or so!! Hopefully it waits until after Mr. P is home! Soon enough!

Happy Sunday to all!

Finding Home...

2010-11-21T05:00:00.003-07:00

I moved out of my parents house for the first time just a few days after graduation, only to return a few weeks later (but that's besides the point). Just 2 months later I packed up everything I owned (most of which was purchased by my parents) and moved 4 hours away for college. I will never forget what it felt like to watch the house I grew up in disappear in my rearview mirror. I haven't lived with my parents since then. And I haven't felt like I've been home until Mr. P and I moved in together a little over a year ago.

Sure, I've had houses and apartments, but never a real home. My first place was a 600 square foot 2 bedroom apartment that I shared with my best friend (and our boyfriends pretty much lived there too). How we ever lived in that little shoe box I will never know. We literally passed up on Christmas decor because we would have no where to put it afterwards - that's how small it was.

When I moved to Colorado Springs I lived by myself in 3 different apartments all over town before Mr. P and I decided to move in together. After about 6 months in any given place I was ready to move - and now that I look back on it I'm pretty sure I felt that desire to move because I was searching for a home. A part of me felt homeless. At the time, my "home" was just a place to eat and sleep. I wasn't ever really happy there. And although I am an introvert, I wasn't happy being alone all the time.

The thing I love the most about our house is the warmth I feel here. I feel comfortable and I feel like it is ours. We are still renting, but we have built this home together. It's not just a townhouse, it really is our home. Even though Mr. P has been gone for all but 2 weeks since last March this place still feels like home, because there are so many things that remind me of him - a personal letter from his battalion commander, a pair of shoes still in the hallway, a t-shirt that still smells like him.

I love the way our home smells and the comfort that washes over me when I walk in the door. I love how every piece of decor has a meaning and a story behind it. Our lives could be pieced together by the things on display in our house. And I love that you can see the coming together of two people through it all.

And I didn't realize that it was the little things that make this home so comfortable until I had to change it. You see, we've been having issues with our fridge for the past few months. It seems like every other time I go food shopping I come home to a broken fridge. I've lost a great deal of food and it's been really annoying (I mean, melted popsicles are the end of the world when you're pregnant). Finally we had a repair man out that told my landlord our fridge was shot and we needed a new one.

So in preparation for the new fridge I was forced to remove all of our bits and pieces hanging on the old one. As I sat in the bathroom one day (because I pee with the door open now - thanks to spending so much time in there while pregnant) and stared out through the hallway into our kitchen I realized that our home didn't feel as comfortable and warm as it once did. I realized that it was because of those little pieces of our lives that were on display were missing - a certificate for passing my sommelier exam, a picture of a close friend's baby, a save the date and a handwritten note that came in a letter from Mr. P, among other things.

Those things that may seem so insignificant are what remind us of the things worth celebrating and enjoying in our lives. And the little celebrations and moments of happiness are what make this house a home. The victories and smiles are meant to be shared and I've discovered that a house it not a home unless you have someone to share it with.

I can't even begin to put my excitement and happiness into words. I cannot wait until Mr. P and I get to hop in his truck and come home, together. We've been waiting for months to continue building our home together and it's just around the corner and I can't even contain my excitement. I'm very much looking forward to the future celebrations and moments of happiness that will be displayed as random clippings and pictures around our home. It may not mean a lot to anyone else, but to us - it means the world. Those memories are what make this house a home.

Branching Out

2010-11-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

Yep. I decided it was time. I found a ton of great websites for Mommy Bloggers and in order to connect a little bit more, I felt it was necessary for a twitter account and a facebook page! The more you reach out to others, the more likely you are to find people with common interests. So I'm tackling a fear of mine and putting this blog out there for the world to see!!

I chose to check out twitter a few days ago and after last nights #wineparty I finally understand why people are addicted. It's actually a lot of fun once you start to find people with similar interests to chat with! I've already met a ton of amazing people and I'm excited to meet more in the future! If you have a twitter account follow Growing Jacob!!

And along with the Twitter account I opened a fan page for Growing Jacob on facebook! I want to be able to share pictures and updates without annoying all of my non-parenting friends and this was the perfect way to do it! If you're a regular reader and fan of our adventures, check out our facebook page and "Like" us for updates and maybe even some pictures!

Now, about those websites where I'm meeting people. One of those is Top Baby Blogs. I've met quite a few amazing Mom's there and I love it! We are currently ranked #255 and I am totally okay with that! We've had 7 votes in and as far as I'm concerned, for such a little blog, I'm pretty darn proud of that! I also recently joined a site called Bloggy Moms and so far I am loving it! I've found several new blogs that I'm enjoying reading and I'm looking forward to finding even more! If you're a Mommy Blogger check it out and join! It's worth it!

So like I said - this is me, conquering my fears and reaching out to new readers and fans in hopes of finding even more people to connect and share experiences with. I hope it goes well and I hope that you all will continue to read about our lives and adventures and enjoy every second of it!!

The Origin of Dectron 7

2010-11-20T15:47:00.001-07:00

If you haven't noticed, we kind of have an insanely weird URL. If you know Mr. P and I in real life, the weirdness is NOT something new. We are both kind of quirky and goofy and we are full of inside jokes. We tend to giggle and laugh about the same silly things for months.

Well when we found out about Jacob (can you believe it's been almost a year?) quite unexpectedly, we fell back on our sense of humor help us accept the fact that we were going to be parents and that our lives were going to be forever changed.

At one point Mr. P was joking with some of his friends that the baby was going to come out as a transformer. He had all sorts of plans for our little transformer. He was going to be a set of golf clubs and a hummer, among many other things. And when I asked Mr. P what the babies transformer name was going to be he pondered it, for only a moment, and replied "Dectron 7". It stuck.

Our baby had a nickname. For the first 19 weeks of Jacob's little life he was referred to as Dectron in our home. Even our family and friends caught on and I was receiving regular emails, messages and texts asking how Dectron was doing and how he was treating Mama. I had a little transformer growing inside of me (even though he looked like a teddy bear in his 10 week ultrasound).

And considering that the #1 most popular nickname for a baby in-utero is "Cletus the Fetus" (no joke, check it out here) I'd take Dectron 7 any day.

And yes - I have considered changing our URL, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Dectron 7 signifies the start of our journey as parents. It was Jacob's first nickname. And I wouldn't be surprised if someday it's still his nickname. Every time I've gone to change the URL I have decided against it because it means so much to me. I've watched our boy grow from Dectron 7 into Jacob and little Dectron will always have a place in my heart.

Pumpkin Extravaganza: Pumpkin Swirl Cheesecake

2010-11-18T15:11:00.002-07:00

So I decided I wanted to attempt cheesecake for the very. first. time. I've been a lover of cheesecake for as long as I can remember, but I've never actually made it myself, mostly because I've never had the right equipment. Well I had the BRILLIANT idea to make mini cheesecakes using my muffin pan!

I found a great recipe at allrecipes.com and I knew it was the one. It had great reviews and it seemed easy enough! I did make a few modifications though. I prefer a graham cracker crust, instead of the one listed in the recipe.

I spent yesterday evening making the graham cracker crust (after a trip to the urgent care for slicing my finger open while making soup). I used 1 1/2 cups of graham crackers, 1/3 cup sugar, 6 tbsp melted butter and cinnamon. And apparently butter will explode if you leave it in the microwave for too long. Yeah. At least I already had plans to clean the microwave! I ended up with enough of the crust mix for 18 cheesecakes (and I DID have enough cheesecake batter to fill 18). I let the crusts chill in the fridge overnight (but even an hour would work).

I used a paper cup on the inside of an aluminum one. The paper won't stick to the cheesecake like the foil, but the foil on the outside of the paper cup makes it much easier to remove the mini-cheesecake from the pan! It was a great combination.

This morning (bright and early, since we get up at 6:30 now) I started on the cheesecake batter. It was SURPRISINGLY easy to make! I softened the cream cheese a little and added the sugar and vanilla and blended. Then you mix in 3 eggs, one at a time. That was easy. Separate 1 cup from the batter and add the remaining ingredients (pumpkin, spices and left over sugar) and mix. Spoon onto the crust and then add the plan cheesecake batter and pull a knife through for the swirl effect. Super easy, right?!

I baked them at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. I think they should have gone another minute or two, but they're still SUPER tasty! I LOVE the flavor and the crust is PERFECT. I will definitely be keeping this recipe around. It's cheap, easy to make and an amazing individual dessert! The paper cups pull away nice and easy. Overall I am super impressed with these. I think they're fantastic.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-17T02:30:00.000-07:00

The Other "Girl"

2010-11-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

While Mr. P was home on his R&R at the end of August he spoiled himself a little bit and bought a brand new Harley. Yes, you heard me. He bought a 2011 Harley Davidson Dyna Wide-Glide (does that mean anything to you? Because it means nothing to me...). What can I say? My husband has a love affair with his motorcycles (and I don't blame him one bit - they are awfully pretty) and it was apparently time for a new girl!

When I first met him he had a Honda CBR and I absolutely refused to get on it. Those things just LOOK unsafe. About 6 months after we met he bought his first Harley. It was a sportster. I thought it was awesome, but he felt like it was just too small. The first time I ever rode on a motorcycle was right after he purchased it. From that point on we would spend time out on the bike traveling around town (not for too long because those little seats in back are designed to be uncomfortable, I swear). We both really enjoyed driving up through Garden of the Gods and down Lake Avenue towards The Broadmoor. It was kind of a quiet time for us to just be together and enjoy being out and around.

He spent time during the first half of the deployment researching new Harley's and motorcycles. At one point he was just going to upgrade the Sportster, then he was going to get a Chopper, then he was going to buy a new Harley, then he was just going to keep the Sportster, then he wanted to sell it and then he wanted a new one (we're both Libra's and very indecisive - can you tell? You should see us try and decide on dinner). He didn't actually make a decision on the one he wanted until the end of his R&R. He'd visited the dealership several times and I think it was the third time he went back that he actually came home with the new bike. Of course we went out for a ride (and I was 8 days postpartum, mind you - NOT the best idea, but totally worth it). And it was nice to finally have a little bit of our old life back - even just for a moment.

Well since he has been gone it has been my responsibility to pull the cover off of his other girl every few weeks and start her up. I made sure to do it religiously, so his bike wouldn't have any problems once he returns. Well this last time I started up the bike was different. Not for any reason other than the fact that it's the very. last. time I'll have to start it while he's away. The very last time, because he will be home before it needs to be done again. He will be home. He will be here to do it himself and we will be curled up on the couch listening to her purr from the garage, together. And I absolutely cannot wait. It's the little things that deserve to be celebrated (and it's the little things that you miss the most) - and the reuniting of Mr. P and his second best girl means that there are some peaceful, quiet Harley rides in our near future.... as long as the snow waits a few more days!

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2010-11-15T05:30:00.000-07:00

Babies spit up. That's just what they do. They cry, the eat, they sleep, they poop and they spit up. They don't really care what gets dirty and the definitely do not care if you're wearing a brand new shirt (so I suggest putting those away for a while).

This week Jacob's reflux has really been acting up, so he's been spitting up, throwing up and crying in excess. It's been rough on me, to say the least. It seems that the only position he is comfortable in is high up on my shoulder. And it seems like he always has a burp or some spit up to get out! He's not sleeping as well which means I'm not really sleeping either. I'm exhausted. I've spent the last week bumming around in sweats because I honestly haven't had the chance to shower more than 3 times in the past week. Yeah, I know, I smell. Jacob doesn't mind.

Like I said - I've been carrying Jacob around on my shoulder a lot lately because he tends to fuss if he's in any other position. He's been pretty stealthy about his spit up lately too. When he's in that position I can't see his face so rarely do I know he's spit up until I pull him away from me and see the 6 inch long spit string between his mouth and my shoulder.

A few days ago we were going about our normal business. Jacob was eating and fussing and spitting up and repeating the cycle for most of the morning. In an effort to get out of the house we took a trip to the store and stopped at Starbucks for a Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha. Jacob was content in his car seat for the entire trip, which is unusual, so I was thankful for the chance to get out! Until we got home that is. After getting Jacob all settled I ran upstairs to change into sweat pants and on the way I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I noticed a funny shadow on the back of my sweatshirt. I pulled it off and flipped it around and what did I find? A big, huge, GINORMOUS streak of dried throw-up down the back of my sweater. And it was obvious. And the last time I'd had Jacob on my shoulder was BEFORE our trip to the store...and to Starbucks. Now I understand why everyone was giving me odd looks in the grocery store.... I thought they were all just checking out my adorable baby.

So this weeks tip for mastering mommyhood - even if you're in sweats, at least take a peek at yourself in the mirror before you go out in public. And turn around to make sure you don't have dried throw up all over your back.

Homecoming Jitters

2010-11-13T21:09:00.001-07:00

Homecoming is close and the emotions I'm feeling are so different than I expected. Of course there is excitement. Sometimes I'm too excited to even think straight and I want to jump up and down and bounce around in circles like an idiot. But there are also feelings that I didn't expect, like an unbelievable amount of anxiety and nervousness and even a little bit of fear.

Yes, you read that correctly. I am scared to have my husband home again. A part of me is scared to finally get to live the life that we've been planning since our wedding just before he left. I feel like our life has been put on hold and now we are so close to it actually living it that it scares me! I worry that things won't work out like we'd planned and I worry about all of the what ifs (I have a problem with that, obviously). It's almost like the fears and questions that you have before you get married are hitting me now because we finally get to actually be a married couple (one that lives together, at least)! Its like I'm imagining what it's going to be like to actually be married to my husband (who I've almost been married to for a year). I never expected that!

And on top of anxiety about being married, I'm also dealing with the baby anxiety! I'm feeling everything that a mother should go through right before birth (that I never dealt with). How is Jacob going to change our relationship? Are we still going to be the same couple we once were? Are we still going to feel the same way about each other? Will we still get time to be alone? What if we don't see eye to eye on things in the future? You know, the normal mom-to-be fears except that I'm already a mommy!

It's very odd for me to think about having Mr. P home. I mean, at night when I'm sitting upstairs nursing Jacob before bed I try to imagine how our bedtime routine will be when he gets home. I imagine Mr. P giving Jacob his bath and a bottle and it is weird for me to picture anyone else doing it. Mostly because no one else has every done it. I've pretty much been in complete control of everything related to Jacob for all but 8 days of his life. I know where things are and I know how things go and what works for him. My mommy intuition is so tuned in to him and how he feels. And I'm really quite terrified to relinquish some of that control, even if it is to Mr. P. Don't get me wrong - I am very excited that we are going to finally be a family, but it just feels weird and it's something that I can't imagine.

And somehow through the cloud of anxiety and homecoming jitters the excitement still bursts through like a ray of sunshine. I really have no clue how I keep it all contained. All I can think about is what it will be like to have him cuddled up on the couch with Jacob and I. I daydream about Jacob coming to bed in the mornings to hang out and watch cartoons with us. Mostly I think about what it will be like to finally get a hug and watch Mr. P hold Jacob for the first time since he was 8 days old. That's the moment that I absolutely cannot wait for.

Grasping It All

2010-11-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

I have exciting news! Maybe not so exciting for you all, but for me it is! In the last week my little one has started to grasp things on his own!!! He's reaching for things, opening his hand and then grasping and not letting go! It is so amazing to watch him learn and grow. I could see for a few days that he really wanted to grab this toy, but he was having trouble coordinating his hands and eyes. It was starting to frustrate him to the point of tears. When he finally did it I erupted in shrieks of joy and clapped for him (still a cheerleader at heart, duh)! My happiness scared him though and he was so startled that he dropped the toy right and got mad because he dropped it!

He has also figured out that he can move his arms and get an object into his mouth to chew on! He's been sucking and chewing on his hands now for a few weeks, but having something other than his hands to chew on has really made him happy.

This little red toy is amazing because he can hold it from both sides and it is small enough for his little hands to grasp. A lot of the toys we have are still too big and he can't really hold on to them. It's from Learning Curve Baby and I got it at Kohl's while I was pregnant. The antenna make that crinkling sound that they love and it also has a rattle as well. You have to shake it pretty hard though.

Not only is he grasping his toy, but everything else in sight! He grabs my sweatshirt. He grabs the strings on my sweatshirt. He grabs my shirt while he's eating (which it totally adorable and makes my heart melt). He grabs my ears and nose (also, completely adorable). He holds on to his blanket now. He wants to hold onto anything he can reach... It's a good thing he can't reach far at this point.

It is so insane to watch him grow and learn. I love being able to see it first hand and to see his eyes light up when he's finally achieved something he's been working towards so hard! I can tell that he's learning and exploring and I love to think about how small he started out - just the size of a poppy seed at one point. The whole circle of life thing just blows my mind even more now that I've been through it and I'm living it.

Pumpkin Extravaganza: Cake Cookies

2010-11-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

It's Thursday! And you know what that means?! Pumpkin time!!! Sorry it's so late, but Jacob has literally been awake ALL DAY. He didn't really fall asleep for a good nap until 5:45 and he didn't wake until I took him upstairs for bed. He would have slept right through his diaper change, but I had to give him his medicine. He was passed out again and in bed within 15 minutes. I. Love. It. So I figured I'd sit down on the couch, watch The Office and catch up on some blogging (with a glass of pinot grigio in hand, of course).

I was going to make Pumpkin Cheesecake but alas, I am living out of our mini beer fridge in the garage until Monday because our fridge decided to completely go out on Wednesday. My landlord is in Arizona so guess who got to go purchase one yesterday - this girl. Yep. I had my first major appliance shopping experience. The sales guy was completely useless and I was trying to talk to Mr. P, watch Jacob and shop all at the same time. It was buckets of fun.

Now, before we start - make sure you have a helper on hand. We talked about measurements again. While I was putting things together he intently listened to me like he actually understood that I was telling him that 4 1/4 cups would equal 1 cup.

Soooooo - for this weeks Pumpkin Extravaganza I decided to make Pumpkin Cake Cookies with a Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Frosting instead. Next week will be cheesecake! I actually got the recipe from a friend who got it from a friend who had the recipe in her family for years (did you catch all of that?). We'll start with the cookies. They have a wonderful, light, fluffy texture and just the right amount of pumpkin flavor.

Here's the recipe:

1 cup shortening

1 cup white sugar

1 egg

1 cup pumpkin

2 tsp vanilla

2 cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

Combine and mix all ingredients. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes.

Pretty simple right? I added 1 tsp of nutmeg to the recipe. I'm sure you could substitute out the shortening for butter as well (for a healthier recipe), but I was totally okay with it at the time (I won't be in a week when it catches up with me though). I really, REALLY loved the cookies! They were amazing and came out perfectly! Even 12 hours later they are still soft and fluffy. They ARE a little bit crumbly, but I blame that on myself. Sometimes I don't measure quite as accurately as I should and that's probably why. Still pretty darn good though!

Jacob was a great helper - just so you all know!

The frosting is good, quick and easy to make. However, it is a little bit too sweet for my taste. I LOVE sweet foods, but it's just....overly sweet for me. It was my first try at making my own frosting, so I was pleased that it came out well, but I don't think I'll be making this exact recipe in the future. The brown sugar and cinnamon sounds like a great combination, but I just need a little lighter recipe for it!

Well anyways! This is the recipe:

1 cup brown sugar

3 tbsp margarine

4 tbsp milk

1 cup powdered sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1 tsp cinnamon

Melt butter and brown sugar in a sauce pan. Add Milk. Boil for 2 minutes. Cool. Add last three ingredients. Frost cookies.

The frosting was also a little bit difficult to work with. It had to be warm to frost the cookies and because my cookies were crumbly I couldn't dip them into the frosting without them breaking. I was forced to spoon frosting on top of the cookies, so they weren't very pretty! When the frosting started to harden I had to heat it in the microwave to make it soft enough to frost again. I only ended up frosting a few of my cookies, but it was definitely worth trying!

So all in all - I would DEFINITELY try out the cookie portion of the recipe! I am SO pleased with the way they came out. The frosting was worth trying, but I like the plain cookies more than the frosted. My taste tester completely agreed.

And just like a normal guy, Jacob decided he needed a nap right around the time the dishes needed to be done! He absolutely refused to help out.... Such a boy... Ha!

Happy Veteran's Day!

2010-11-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Veteran's Day to ALL of our men and women who have ever served or who are currently serving our country!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

And of course - Happy Veteran's Day to Mr. P!!! He is celebrating by doing his job halfway around the world. Jacob and I love you and we miss you! We will see you soon!!! The end is closer than we think and I wish we could celebrate together. We are all so proud of you. You're our hero!!

Jacob wanted to get in on the action and wish Mr. P Happy Veteran's Day in his own special way! Enjoy!

Wordless Wednesday Times Two

2010-11-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

This is what we woke up to this morning and I was too excited NOT to share!!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-10T02:30:00.003-07:00

Why I Hate Fall....

Because creepy crawlies find their way inside and out of the cold.

Our creepy intruders were promptly squashed with one of Mr. P's shoes. No way was I getting spider guts on my pretty flip flops.

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2010-11-08T10:27:00.001-07:00

So you know how when you're pregnant and everyone and their brother thinks it's okay to touch your belly? Well that fascination doesn't end when the baby is born. People are still mesmerized by the baby whether it is inside or outside your stomach. So be prepared to turn around and find some random person reaching their hand out... It will happen. Trust me.

In the past two weeks I've had to deal with two different women touching my baby. Why on earth do strangers think that's okay? Yes - he is adorable and such a sweetheart but that doesn't mean he isn't still a person. He still deserves to have his personal space respected, just like I do! No one reaches out to stroke my hand or my head, so why is it suddenly okay for them to touch him??

The first time it happened I was sitting in the DEERS office on base waiting to get Jacob enrolled. He was peacefully sleeping in his stroller and was sitting right next to me. I must have looked away for just long enough for an older woman to think she had a chance of not getting caught! She was walking by, saw my beautiful sleeping boy and reached her hand (who knows how clean it was) out to stroke Jacob's tiny little arm. I turned around and she quickly pulled her hand away and muttered some nonsense about how adorable he is and walked away. And I was left sitting there, grumbling and mumbling about rude people.

The second time it happened we were in a Starbucks. I was peacefully (well not really) enjoying my White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha and giving Jacob a bottle at the same time (it takes talent, trust me). Some crazy woman walked up and put BOTH of her hands on Jacob's HEAD while he was EATING. Are you kidding me?! His HEAD. I wanted to reach out and slap her hands! I mean really? Who does that? Stroking his little arm is one thing, but his head? She then proceeded to sit at the table across from us and try to talk to us and get in on our conversation. She totally ruined my White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha.

Now don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to keep Jacob away from every single germ that's out there. I know he's going to get sick and I know he needs to be taken out into the real world to help build up his immune system. I'm not going to stick him in a bubble! But who the heck knows where those women's hands were or if they'd been sick recently! I don't want him to get sick, especially if it can be prevented! For all I know they could have been spreading something they didn't even know they had!

So this weeks tidbit of advice - expect your child's chubby cheeks to be a magnet for all sorts of unwanted touching. As much as you may want to put your baby in a bubble, it'd just take way too much effort to change a diaper for it to be worth it. So when some insane person tries to touch your baby for the first time, just grin and bear it..... And when you get home strip the little one down and check them (twice) for any sign of some crazy jungle disease!

Talk About an Indian Summer

2010-11-07T10:56:00.001-07:00

Colorado always has an indian summer, but never like this! It was 75 degrees yesterday and not a cloud in the sky. It was a beautiful Colorado day and one that you would typically see in June or September, NOT November! We haven't been close to snow (although there has been snow on the peak) yet this year and even the rainy, cloudy days have been far and few between! Needless to say - it was a PERFECT day to get out of the house and enjoy our indian summer, because it may be ending anytime now.

In the morning my good friend Mrs. H (check out her blog) and I (and her niece) took the little ones out to the Veteran's Day Parade downtown. I was forced to conquer my fear of breast feeding in public (mostly because Jacob is a messy eater) and feed Jacob in the middle of the parade, without a blanket! I didn't even get any funny looks and Jacob hardly dribbled at all! I was really pleased. The parade was amazing! Mrs. H brought along her camera (since she is a photographer) and snapped some pictures along the way!

Taken by Mrs. H @ Shutterbugs Snapshots

In the afternoon we took advantage of the beautiful fall weather and went to a park downtown called Monument Valley Park. It's about 5 minutes from my house and I never knew it was there! I will be visiting it again in the future. There is a beautiful little pond with a few trees leaning out over it. The leaves were gorgeous and golden. It was absolutely perfect.

We gathered some leaves and got the little ones out and took some pictures! She is such an amazing photographer and I'm so thrilled that she offered to take pictures of Jacob. We haven't had professional pictures taken of him until now and I am sooooooo in love with her work! Jacob wasn't very smiley, but that's okay! His pictures still turned out great! Here are a few from our little photo shoot.

Taken by Mrs. H @ Shutterbug's Snapshots

Yesterday was one of my favorite days over the past two months. There is just something about walking through crunchy fall leaves that can made an ordinary day perfect. It really was amazing to get out and enjoy nature, friends and my little boy! It's going to be getting cold soon so it was probably our last chance to spend some time outside. I am kind of looking forward to winter time and the snow so I can curl up on the couch with Mr. P and Jacob, but I'll take a perfect fall day when I can get it!

First Friend

2010-11-06T17:43:00.002-06:00

Mr. P and I really don't have that many friends that have children. Mr. P's best friend has a little girl who is 2 1/2 and she is absolutely adorable!!! She calls him Uncle P and since he's been away and been deployed she will call him on her play phone to see if he wants a cookie! During our first visit over R&R she cried when it was time for Mr. P to leave - she really loves him. She knew exactly where he was and she missed him! But other than that - there aren't too many people in our life that have kids!

So needless to say, while Mr. P has been away I've really had to reach out to other women with children. It's not that I don't want to hang out with my other friends, but recently I've found it a lot easier to connect with other moms. There is just something comforting about talking with another Mom who understands and who has been there - the late night feedings, the diaper explosions and the wonderful smiles that melt your heart. They just get it.

Well it seemed like right around the time I got pregnant, 5 or 6 other people at the hotel were finding out the same thing!! One of the women who works in another restaurant on property ended up being due 5 days before I was. She and her husband actually give me credit for their little girl! The weekend that they conceived she came to my restaurant to use her gift certificate for winning Employee of the Month and I was their server. She claims that we served them a little too much to drink and well, you know how the rest of the story goes, obviously.

Her little girl was born on August 24th, just three days before Jacob. We weren't able to get together until the little ones were 8 and 9 weeks old, but we've now met up twice! The second time the babies were making eye contact and almost flirting with each other. It was Jacob's first time seeing another baby around his age and he seemed completely mesmerized by her. I hope that we can continue to get them together in the future. I would love for them to be friends!

We got them together and took some pictures! Here are our little ones! They look so cute together! Jacob has his first girlfriend (he likes the older women...)!!!

Jacob's 10 Week Recap

2010-11-05T05:39:00.001-06:00

I cannot believe my little boy is ten weeks old and just got his first round of shots. Where oh where have the past 10 weeks gone?! I had a ton of questions for our pediatrician and she assured me that pretty much everything I've been worried about it completely normal. The red spot on his eye is just a birthmark and will fade. His gums are looking normal and although he may sprout his first tooth a little early it's nothing to be worried about. His sleeping habits are fantastic. He's stronger than she expected and holding his head and his own weight when standing very well. I'm so proud of him.

The shots were absolutely awful. Jacob threw up the tylenol that I gave him just beforehand (he also throws up gripe water....) and he then proceeded to throw up the Rotavirus vaccine that is given orally. He almost threw up in the nurses face (but she was holding his cheeks sooooo it would have only been fair). I probably would have laughed honestly. But anyways - he screamed bloody murder after his shots. And man - they are not gentle with those things. They just stabbed them into the poor boys little legs. At one point after I'd been rocking him for 5 minutes and he'd settled down, I laid him down to get him dressed and he threw his arms out wide and just screamed. I'm surprised the nurses didn't run back in to make sure I wasn't murdering the kid, because man was he loud!!! I've never seen my little boy cry that hard and it just broke my heart. I had big fat tears in my eyes (and I'm not a crier).

He was an amazing little boy yesterday afternoon though. Right after his appointment I met a friend for sushi and he was cute and almost smiling the entire time. He ate a full 3 ounce bottle and then a little bit more and only fussed for a minute or two. Come to find out that he'd made a wonderfully stinky and yucky diaper for me. Let's just say I think we are getting close to moving up a diaper size. I'm tired of the poo stains on his back!!

When we got home he was up for a few hours (nursing like crazy, of course) and then he passed out around 4 and was pretty much asleep from then on. He woke up around 6:30 and then around 7:30. I decided to move his bedtime up (because he's been falling asleep on his own around 7:45) and so we started getting ready for bed 30 minutes earlier last night. I've also started getting him ready in his own room (instead of mine) and although it took a bit longer than normal he did fall asleep in his own room last night. He's self soothing now and it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. He woke himself up around 2:30 this morning and I gave him the usual 5 minutes to see if he would go back to sleep and within a few minutes he was out again. He ate around 4:45 (8 1/2 hours after going to bed) and went down again pretty easily afterwards. I'm not sure if he's just exhausted from the shots or what, but I am loving this new sleep schedule! I hope he keeps it up!

I have noticed in the last few days that his acid reflux has been acting up again. After his first two nights in his crib he threw up in the early morning. Massive amounts and we're talking projectile throw up. I'm pretty sure if the bumper wasn't in his crib it would have shot halfway across his room. Yeah - that kind of throw up. I raised one end of his mattress (like his bassinet was) and it seems to be helping! That way he isn't laying flat right after eating. The pediatrician also told me that because of his weight gain he has outgrown the dosage of his medicine - which explains A LOT. So he's now up to .9mL twice a day and hopefully within the next few days he will be back to his old self again, because he sure has been a fussy, grumpy baby lately. And I can't blame him! If my tummy hurt like his does then I'd be pissy too!

Jacob has grown like a weed and his pediatrician couldn't be more please with his progress. When he was born he was 6 pounds 12 ounces and in the 10th percentile. At 9 weeks and 6 days old he was 12 pounds and 11 ounces! My little man has almost doubled his birth weight already! He is now in the 75th percentile! He is 23 1/4 inches long (up from 19 1/2 inches) and in the 75th percentile in height as well - so he's completely proportionate. Except that his head is still in the 10th percentile (and I thought he had a big head!). I feel so proud of myself, knowing that he has been almost exclusively breast fed (he's had 1 bottle of formula in his 10 weeks). He is thriving and developing and I am so thankful that we have been able to breast feed so well for so long. We had an easy pregnancy and for the most part an easy breast feeding experience (the beginning was painful - but that's normal). I thank God every day for my healthy and growing little boy.

Looking back it has been a wonderful 10 weeks for us and I'm excited to move forward and continue to watch him grow! He has, for the most part, been a very easy baby and I am so thankful for that, especially with Mr. P away currently. I don't know what I would have done if he'd been colicky or fussy non-stop. It won't be very long before we are sending him off for his first day of school! I just can't even imagine it yet!

Pumpkin Extravaganza: Muffins

2010-11-04T05:06:00.005-06:00

I added a recipe to my favorites on All Recipes a few weeks ago for Pumpkin Muffins and I've just been dying for the perfect moment to whip them up. Jacob was in a pretty good mood and I was ~~craving something sweet~~ super hungry so one night we set out on our project. I propped Jacob up in his bumbo chair (he leans to the right, so he has a blanket for extra support) and gathered all of the supplies.

As I was measuring out all of the ingredients Jacob and I had a great conversation about cups, tablespoons and teaspoons and he listened to me count each ingredient that I put in. He actually seemed pretty interested in what I was doing, at least for the first part. He wasn't so interested in listening to the mixer and started to get a little fussy towards the end (hence the picture below where he's giving me his best "seriously, mom?" face). I must have just gotten a little too boring for him! And yes - my husband commented that the batter in the bowl looks like something that should be coming out of my wonderful little helper.

I did discover one trick that I will be using in the future. Because the batter was so sticky I was having trouble scooping it into the muffin pan successfully. So my brilliant mind decided to try spraying a spoon with a bit of Pam and what do you know - instant success! The batter just rolled off of the spoon and plopped down into the pan like absolutely nothing. I wish I'd thought about it the last time I made cookies!

So here they are, my beautiful pumpkin muffins! The recipe claims to yield 12 muffins, but I ended up with 12 full size and 18 mini muffins. Don't they look divine? Feel free to drool over them a little bit, I know I did. And they taste even better. The only thing I'm going to change next time is the amount of clove that goes into them. It was a little bit too strong for my taste. I don't like when I can pick out an individual spice and I felt like the clove was really overpowering the others. Next time I'll use 1 teaspoon instead of two! Problem solved!

This one will definitely be added to my fall baking list for next year! Even though Mr. P isn't a fan of pumpkin, I think he might like these because the pumpkin flavor isn't overpowering! Maybe for Christmas I'll make them again and sneak him one without telling him what it is (now he's going to be on the look-out ha)....

I believe...

2010-11-04T04:40:00.000-06:00

... in trusting your Mama intuition. 95% of the time your gut feeling is right - at least for me. Mama's just know.

... that some nights the only way I can get past the anxiety enough to fall asleep is to picture the air moving in and out of my lungs with each breath.

... in swaddling. At night when he's fussing, 8 time out of 10 it's because his arms are free and he keeps waking himself up.

... that I have already learned a lot about myself through blogging. I find myself craving the opportunity to sit down and write a post about something completely random. I think I finally found a way to release my creative side and something to be passionate about again.

... in voting. I never realized how important it is to actively participate in the Elections until the last few.

... that as much as I want to love cloth diapering I'm not sure I ever really will.

... Amazon Mom can get you some amazing deals. Like $21.76 for a 234-count box of Pampers Swaddlers, with free shipping.

... baby sighs of contentment make my heart melt.

... the closer we get to the end of this deployment the harder it seems to become! Deployment wasn't anything like I expected and looking back on it I'm kind of thankful for the opportunity to bond with my husband. Looking forward - I can't wait to have him curled up in bed next to me again.

Now - go check out Exploits of a Military Mama, write your own I believe post and link up!!!

The Baby Monitor Crackles.... Part II

2010-11-03T04:50:00.002-06:00

I am in a predicament. Seriously. This is big.

It's 4:21 am and the little man has yet to nurse tonight. 7 hours and 20 minutes and he hasn't eaten! This is the longest he has ever slept straight and I am absolutely amazed. I thought he slept for 7 hours and 40 minutes, but it turns out that my math was off when I calculated that (it was actually 6 hours and 40 minutes...sue me). So yes - this is the longest he has ever slept.

Now... he is making little noises and grunts (which, as we have previously discussed, are louder through the monitor). Right around 4:00 I could have sworn he was awake, so I crawled out of bed, threw on a hoodie and some sweats and tip-toed across the hallway. As I turned on the hallway light (so not to wake him) I realized I wasn't hearing any grunts and squeals, so I quietly pushed open his door and slipped inside and there was my little boy. His arms were gently folded and resting on his chest just below his chin. His small face was so content and relaxed. He was beautiful and perfect just sleeping there.

So as I stood there just watching him breathe I debated whether to pick him up or let him sleep. I could have sworn I heard his little tummy growl (which I know was my imagination - it was probably mine, ha). A part of me wants to let him sleep, just to see how long he will go. Maybe all of this time I've mistaken his sleepy grunts and noises for him waking, when he really wasn't? Maybe I have been the one waking him up when he really was content and happy continuing to sleep! But then I think about how hungry he must be and how empty his baby tummy must be feeling right now! What's a mother to do?! How am I supposed to justify waking him when is face is this content?

I've spent the last 9 weeks waiting for him to sleep through the night and here I am, almost 8 hours straight and I'm awake, and debating whether to wake him no less!!! Ironic, isn't it? The worrying never stops. It's just a part of Mommyhood I suppose!

So, for the past 46 minutes, I have been tip-toeing across the hallway and peeking into his crib every time I hear him start to wake (or so I think). And by the time I get there he seems to be as happy as a clam, snoozing away. No little noises, whatsoever.

I'm going crazy. I swear my child is awake and when I get into his room, he's perfectly content and still happily asleep. It's that stupid baby monitor. And you know what? When I snap and freak out and throw the monitor through the window I'm going to blame my insanity on that stupid little piece of plastic that I'm truly starting to loathe...

And the baby monitor crackles... (dun dun dun.......)

Read Part I, for further explanation (maybe...).

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-03T03:57:00.001-06:00

Did you vote?! I did!

Pumpkin Extravaganza!!

2010-11-02T14:50:00.001-06:00

One of the things I love the most about fall are all of the pumpkins! Over the past few years I've really developed a love for all things pumpkin. Growing up I absolutely hated it (maybe it was the texture), but now I just can't seem to get enough. The only reason I ever go to Starbucks is for a Pumpkin Spice Latte - I'm just not a coffee girl, except during the fall.

Well I decided this year that I was going to cook with pumpkin, for the first time ever (this very possibly may be a disaster). I stocked up on Libbey's Pumpkin, because I don't have a strong enough blender or food processor for fresh pumpkin. Plus - with a 2 month old I really don't have the time to ~~get covered in pumpkin goo~~ properly clean and prepare fresh pumpkin.

I'm an All Recipes lover and I've found four different pumpkin recipes that I'd like to try. There are exactly four Thursdays leading up to Thanksgiving, so each week I'm going to make a new pumpkin recipe and chronicle it here for you all in our new feature, Pumpkin Extravaganza! Yay for Pumpkins!!!

My stomach is officially growling just thinking about it.

The Baby Monitor Crackles....

2010-11-02T13:27:00.002-06:00

9:30pm...
I'm sitting here after tucking my sweet boy into bed in his own room. For the first time. Obviously you knew this - as I've been completely obsessed with the fact for the past 5 days. This is a major event for us. It is life changing, really. Okay, maybe not life changing, but definitely a major moment in my little boy's life (and mine)!

It's just as odd for me to be sleeping alone as it is for him. I haven't been in this bedroom by myself since I was 38 weeks and 6 days pregnant. Jacob has yet to fall into a deep sleep tonight. I laid him down at 9 and I've already been in once to nurse him a little bit more. He wasn't quite asleep when I put him down and it is much darker in his room than it is in mine. It is probably much quieter, even with Mr. Giraffe playing his oh-so-relaxing and soothing sounds.

Granted it has only been 30 minutes, but I can hear his little sounds on the monitor. I'm pretty sure it magnifies his little whimpers and murmurs. I wonder if he's always made those sounds, I've just become so accustomed to hearing them that they sound different through the monitor.

All of the what if's are running through my head. What if there is a fire and I can't get there in time ? What if the monitor stops working and he cries for hours? What if, what if, what if?! What if I can't sleep and spend the whole night standing over his crib watching him? That's a definite possibility. Definitely more so than all of the other insane things running through my head.

My Mom and I talked last night about the instinct of a mother to protect its young. I can't help but feel that urge all. the. time. I hate merging into cars on the passenger side, because that's the side Jacob is on. I'm so wary of people getting near that side of the car, even when they're plenty far away. I hate when random people touch my baby (like the crazy old woman at the DEERS office who just had to reach out and stroke his hand while he was sleeping). Looking at my baby, that's one thing. He is way too darn adorable to ignore, but actually touching him. That's worse than touching a pregnant woman's belly! It really is an instinct - to want to keep the little ones away from harm and safe. Maybe that's why letting go is so hard?

3:10am...
Little man just woke up for the first time. Well, he was making noises around 1:30 but decided to go back to sleep - as he usually does. I generally let him make noise for about 5 minutes before I get up because most of the time he will go back to sleep. So he ate for about 10 minutes and I laid him back down.

He'd gotten his arms out of his swaddle and was flailing them about (which he does when he is tired), so I put them back inside and he instantly calmed down. I think when he is really tired he loses some of his muscle control (or maybe he just feels the needs to flail), because he tends to do it a lot. And he sleeps so much better when he can't move his arms. I'm pretty sure with his jerky movements he wakes himself up. I have no clue what we're going to do when he's too big for the receiving blankets! Yikes.

As for me - I'm sleeping fairly well. Every sound on the monitor keeps me from falling into a deep sleep, which I suppose is a good thing. I DID have the time while asleep to dream about Jacob sleeping in another room. Are you kidding me? This is infiltrating my crazy dreams now too? (Oh and Debbie - you and the girls were in my dream too! You were visiting us and staying in the extra bedroom. You also had two sons! Haha). Around 1:30 I had this crazy thought about some masked man in black sweats standing over my little boy's crib. I fought the urge to get up and go check because I knew it was ridiculousness.

It's definitely harder to sleep when you're trying to listen for baby noises through the monitor. He hasn't cried out or anything though, which makes me feel 100% better that it was the right time for him to move out of our room. I'm not sure how Mr. P is going to sleep with the monitor going. He's a big fan of peace and quiet at night. We will see soon enough!

I am quite awake, but I know I need to lay down and try to sleep some more. This is usually the hardest time of night for me to go back to sleep as it is, but getting up and going to a completely different room makes it even harder to stay half asleep. Oh boy, this is going to take some practice - none for Jacob (he's a pro), just some for me.

4:45am...
As usual, Jacob woke up for another quick feeding about 90 minutes after the first. He does this almost every night and I'm glad I didn't even try to go back to sleep. He seems content, but is still making little noises. I seriously must just notice it more through the monitor.

Our night seems to be the same even with him sleeping in his own room! This is usually when I bring him into bed with me and I am fighting the urge to do that. It's hard though. I just want to cuddle with my little boy!

8:30am...
Well he woke up just a few minutes after I laid him down at 5:00. I gave in and brought him in to cuddle with me and boy was he happy about that! He missed me and I absolutely love that. I love when he's on my shoulder and he's holding on so tightly. And I love when he nuzzles his little face into my neck. He curled up next to me with his arm stretched up towards my face and drifted off to sleep.

So we didn't make it the whole night in separate rooms, but it was a good 8 hours! YAY! Little baby steps and soon enough he will be sleeping in his own bed all night. It was rough at spots but overall it went really well. I'm proud that we made it as far as we did and that Jacob slept so well. We will get there, soon enough. Before Mr. P is home, for sure.

Oh and just so you all are aware - and the baby monitor crackles.... enough said.

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2010-11-01T16:44:00.000-06:00

I am a huge believer in routines. I love following the same pattern every day. It's something that I crave in my personal life. I read about good sleep habits for babies all the time when I was pregnant and I am so glad that I took the advice I'd heard and put it to good use! Jacob has a strict bedtime routine and it is the best thing that I've ever done for him. He falls asleep at the same time every night and sleeps amazingly well for a 9 week old. I get a solid 6 hours at a time now and I am so thankful for that. I really believe it's all because of the bedtime routine that we go through. Every. Single. Night.

Here is how ours goes:

Around 7:30 I start cleaning up downstairs and getting things ready to go upstairs for the evening.
At 8:15 we head upstairs. I move the boppy pillow and my computer to my bedroom and then Jacob comes upstairs.
I lay him on the bed and turn on the Baby Einstein Lullaby Classics while I draw up his bath. He likes the water a little warmer than I expected and the night is much smoother when he has a warm bath.
I remove his diaper and carry him into his bathroom and he has his bath. He is just now starting to splash!! We follow the same bath time routine every night. We go through the names of what we are washing while he's bathing too (every moment is an opportunity for him to learn!).

I take him out of the bath, wrap him up in his towel and then turn around and empty his tub and rinse it out.
We go back into my bedroom and I put his diaper on and then alternate between sucking out his boogers (which he LOVES for some strange reason), lotion and his medicine. He is usually kicking and squirming up a storm. We are still listening to Lullaby Classics.
He gets his PJ's put on and usually fusses when I have to pull his arms through the sleeves. He hates that part. He tends to fuss more when it's a gown too...hmmmm.
I wrap him up like a burrito (with no ~~lettuce~~ arms hanging out) and then let him unwind while I get ready for bed. Sometimes he will watch whatever I have on tv, sometimes he just stares at the fan.

He eats one last time (while I catch up on my blog reading) and as he starts to fall asleep I will move him to his bassinet (tonight it'll be his crib!). I turn his Soothing Sounds Giraffe (named Mr. Giraffe) to the relax setting and then cover him with a warm blanket and tuck it in. He gets a kiss and then he drifts off to sleep.

I know this sounds unbelievably detailed and strict, but it works for us! He has absolutely NO problem falling asleep at night and he very rarely is awake after 9:05. From what I've read, babies love predictability and I know that my little one sure does. I even take the time to make sure the same lights are turned on when we start and then turned off at the same time in the routine.

I know that this will inevitably change as he gets older and once Mr. P returns, but I hope that it basically stays the same for him for the next few years. I'd like to add story time in there at some point too, because I know that's really important. Routines are all about what works for YOU, but I truly think that the routine that I've spent the past 2 months perfecting is part of the reason that he sleeps so well! And if your little one is having trouble sleeping, why not try one?! Give it a week or two and see if it helps!

Now if we could just get his naps into a routine.....

The End of 30 Days of Mrs. P

2010-11-01T16:00:00.000-06:00

Well I did it, I made it through all 30 days! There were some posts that were harder than others, but that made it all the more fun! I hope that you have learned as much about me as I have about myself. It really has been a learning and growing experience for myself and I've truly enjoyed it.

Having something to write about has really gotten me into the habit of writing daily and I know that it will be so much easier to continue regular updates in the future. I'm excited about some of the posts that are coming your way and I hope that you will continue to read and follow us in our adventures. I truly appreciate all of your comments!

I know there are some silent readers out there! I'd love to meet you and check out your blog if you have one, so post a comment and say hello!

Oh and one more thing - last time I checked we were #250 on Top Baby Blogs and I know that we could be way higher than that. So click the button below and vote for us! I've met a lot of cool people through that site and I'd like to continue to do so!

Day 30 {One Last Moment}

2010-10-31T21:52:00.002-06:00

I always told myself that I wouldn't be one of those Mom's who was sad about the little things. But I am. There is nothing I can do to change it and honestly I don't want to! As hard as I try not to, I've been thinking about this night for a long time.

From the beginning I'd always planned that on November 1st Jacob would start sleeping in his own room. I'm not quite sure why I picked that day. Maybe because he's over 2 months old and Mr. P will be home from his deployment soon. I'd like for us to still have a bedroom that isn't taken over by baby things. I think that you have to nurture your marriage before you nurture your children. If the marriage isn't happy, the children won't be happy either. And I think that maintaining an adult relationship and having a space to yourselves is important.

So, November 1st has always been the date in the back of my mind. I've had it planned since before Jacob was born. And for the last 3 weeks this night has slowly been creeping up on me. I've mentioned it to Mr. P countless times in the past 2 months and my words have always been filled with a little bit of dread and sadness.

Part of me is heartbroken and part of me is excited. I'm so happy that he will finally be in his own room that we put together just for him and that he will be using his "big baby" crib (I can't justify calling it a big boy bed just yet!). And part of me is sad because it already feels like my little baby is growing up. He's only moving across the hallway and I feel like I'm having to let go of him, just a very little bit.

This afternoon I actually put him down for 3 of his naps in his crib. I wanted to see how he slept and what he thought of it. He's basically putting himself to sleep now, which is amazing. He took normal naps in his crib and was thrilled to see me when I opened the door to scoop him up when he awoke. He didn't even seem to notice the difference. Which just shows me that this is going to be more difficult for me than it is for him.

And he's been sleeping so well the last few weeks that I know it's time. As long as we follow our bedtime routine he sleeps for at least 5 hours in the beginning of the night and then 2 1/2 hours consecutively for the rest of the night. We've been getting up 3 times a night. Last night, he slept 7 hours and 40 minutes and then we only got up one other time! I'm so pleased with his sleeping habits at this point! I couldn't ask for an easier baby.

So tonight I laid Jacob down to bed in our room for the very last time. He has his bath, listened to some lullaby classics and nursed one more time before bed. And then he started to fall asleep while looking into my eyes and gave me the most perfect sleepy smile. I laid him down and he sighed and drifted off to sleep. Tomorrow I will fold up the pack and play and store it in his closet and tomorrow night he will sleep in his own crib for the very first time.

As I sit here and listen to his soft breathing and happy little sighs, I feel like this is the first of many, many moments to come in the future. It's the first time that I will stop and savor the moment because time is just passing too quickly. The first moment that I feel like I'm letting go and letting him grow into his own person. The first moment I'll cry because he's just growing so quickly. And this is the very first moment when I'll realize that this may be the end, but it's also the beginning of something new and completely wonderful. And I know in my heart that no matter how big he gets, my perfect little boy will always be just that - my little boy.

Day 29 {Your Aspirations}

2010-10-30T11:05:00.000-06:00

It is odd that this is today's topic. This post comes at the perfect time and is honestly going to be very difficult for me to write.

My career and goals are completely at a crossroads right now. Everything I thought I wanted seems to be slipping away and seems to constantly be just out of my grasp.

I want so badly to change positions in the hotel. Don't get me wrong - I love working in my current position, but the hours and the required holidays are just not working for me anymore (I've worked a 12 hour shift on the past three Christmases). I'm already broken up inside about having to work on my baby's first Christmas. I mean seriously, who wouldn't be? Who really wants to leave their husband and brand new baby on Christmas day to go work at 12 hour shift that won't even be profitable? Is it wrong of me to want to spend that day with my family? Is having a holiday off a privilege? I don't think so.

So needless to say, since I found out I was pregnant (and for some time before) I've been checking the job postings at the hotel looking for positions that wouldn't require holidays and are on more of a regular schedule (think monday through friday from 8 to 5). Over the past year I've applied for probably 4 different positions. I tend to get interviews and then not get the job. And it's always because I don't have enough experience in this (management) or I don't have enough experience in that (administrative). And I'm ~~getting really pissed off~~ getting really, really frustrated that I can't ever seem to actually land the job. I just don't get it. I've even spoken with human resources and the employment office about positions that I would be qualified for and what I can do to interview better (which they said wasn't an issue) or improve my resume (which they thought looked great).

So basically I'm stuck in my current position because I don't have experience in management or as a receptionist (but I can't get the experience because they won't hire me). I just don't know how to get them to take a chance on me.

I found out this afternoon that I wasn't selected for a sales assistant position that I'd recently applied for. That makes two jobs in a month that I haven't gotten. And it's really wearing on me. This job was kind of my last hope. I almost feel like giving up. Because it seems every time I try to advance and grow into a position with new challenges I get shot down without even being given the option to try. I know that this is how it works in the real world, but I'm just having a really hard time dealing with it. I feel like I just keep getting my hopes up and letting myself down (and my family).

So since I found out that I didn't get the job I feel like my whole future has been thrown up in the air. Part of me feels like this is just God's way of telling me that I'm not in the right position or career field and that I need to make a change. I know that there is something out there that is better for me and that He has a plan for my life, but right now I'm not really understanding what it is. And that's hard. Just plain hard.

For some reason whenever this happens I tend to feel drawn to either continue my education and finish my bachelor's degree or start studying for a nursing degree. I'm just finding it really hard to make that jump, the leap of faith, away from something that I've always done. I've always worked in a restaurant and I'm good at it. I know what I'm doing and I know that no matter where I am I can succeed at it. The thought of completely leaving that behind is hard and really, quite scary. I definitely don't want to do it for the rest of my life, but it's been good to me over the past 7 years and it's good money.

So I guess I have a lot of thinking to do, because I really don't know what my aspirations are at this current moment in time. I honestly have no clue. I don't know what path I need to take and I don't really even know where I want to go right now. I'm just patiently waiting and hoping that someday, soon, I'll have something to hope for and something to reach for again.

Day 28 {Something You Miss}

2010-10-29T18:33:00.002-06:00

I miss my husband. Obviously. I miss him more than words can express. And it's really the little things that I miss the most. Like curling up on the couch and watching our tv shows (and guessing the trivia questions on Pawn Stars). And going to breakfast every weekend at The Peak and always ordering the same things. I miss cooking together (and having someone to cook for). I miss sitting down to dinner at our table. I miss the xBox and watching the video games (oddly enough). I miss having someone to watch football with, because it's way more fun when you're not alone. I miss our inside jokes and the Harley rides on Sunday afternoon. I miss not having the whole bed to myself and the extra warmth on a cold night. Most of all I miss the big bear hugs and how safe and happy I feel in those moments.

Those are the things that I miss the most in this world right now. And it's coming to an end, soon. Sooner than either of us realize!

So because it's coming to an end I want to share the OTHER thing that I miss!

I miss being a cheerleader!!!! I miss having something to keep me active that was FUN. I miss the feeling of mastering a new stunt and getting to perform it at a game in front of people. I really enjoyed getting to be peppy and happy all the time. Plus - I loved the sporting events and being a cheerleader gets you front row seats to every game! And it is pretty amazing when you can raise your hands and thousands of people respond to you! There is nothing like it in the world.

I started cheering when I was in high school and fell in love with it. I loved being involved and I loved all of the girls that I met through cheerleading. We weren't the most amazing squad in the world, but we qualified for Nationals when I was a senior (and captain, of course) for the first time in our school's history. We couldn't go because we didn't have enough money saved up, but even being able to say that we qualified was amazing.

When I found out that the college I had chosen had a small squad I immediately met with the coach and tried out. I moved up to school 2 weeks early to start practice. The squad at that time was very small (6 people) so we weren't really able to do a whole lot, but I was still enjoying cheerleading. I met some of my closest friends through my college squad (Miss Kim-Kim, Jer and Cory) and I still regularly talk to them!

College cheerleading is a LOT different from high school. The rules aren't as strict and you can perform more interesting basket tosses and pyramids. It's a lot more dangerous, but also more fun. I only got hurt a few times (which as a top girl is pretty amazing). I fell out of a basket toss (like the one below) and hurt my back. It still acts up from time to time. I also fractured my ankle on the competition floor in Las Vegas as a sophomore too. That ones hurts more frequently. All of the injuries are totally worth it though.

One of my favorite things about cheerleading is that it was a fun way to stay in shape. I didn't gain the freshmen 15 when I went to college. I actually lost 5 pounds because I was working out so hard and losing all of my fat! I haven't been back in that shape since I quit cheerleading and I will never be that flexible again in my LIFE. Whew - I have no clue how I used to be able to do that!

The other thing I learned from cheerleading is how to always keep a positive attitude. Even when the game is going horribly wrong, the cheerleaders are still cheering on their team and looking for the positives. That is something that I've carried over into my personal life. Even when I'm having a horrible day or things don't seem to be going my way I can still see the good in every situation. I'm very thankful for that ability and I know that I wouldn't be the same if it hadn't been for my years of cheerleading.

And I know that my positive attitude is what has helped me get through this deployment. On those days when it feels like our time apart will never end I find the good things that have come our way through this separation. Like our communication - I think I've learned more about my husband in the past 7 months than I have in our entire relationship. And I can talk to him about absolutely anything now. We are so much better at expressing our feelings and supporting each other. I don't think I could have made it through the last week without his support.

This last couple of weeks (yes, we are counting weeks now) is going to be trying for us. We are both so ready to be done and I just hope and pray that my positivity can get us both through. These are going to be the hardest of the entire deployment. I'm so thankful that my years of cheerleading has given me so much more than a 6-pack, some awesome pictures and something to brag about......

So here's to the end of this deployment and the end of missing my husband.... cheers!

2 Months

2010-10-28T15:58:00.000-06:00

My Little Jacob,

Happy two months old little boy! Can you believe we made it through another month?! Time has just flown by and it seems like I was just writing about you turning one month old. Heck - it seems like we were just bringing you home from the hospital in your little blue outfit (which now is way, way too small for you).

It has been a busy month for you!

Here's what you've been up to:

At your last appointment 5 days ago you weighed 11 pounds and 15 ounces. You have almost doubled your birth weight in 8 weeks. You are growing like a weed.
You're still wearing 0-3 month clothes, but soon we are going to have to start pulling some of the 3-6 month things from your closet.
You wear size one diapers and we occasionally have poo-splosions, so I may try out a size one-two or two on you soon.
You've gotten so good at holding up your own head! I hardly ever have to help you, unless we are up and moving around. When you're laying in your boppy you move your head side to side with no problem and when you're leaning against my legs you try to pick up your head and lean forward.
You love to be sitting up and looking around. Unless you are sleeping (or playing with Octo) you hate being flat on your back. We got you a bumbo chair and you enjoy it but only for short bits of time. You'd much rather be in my arms.
You really don't like your tummy much either. You grunt all through tummy time. You aren't doing a mini push-up yet but you're really trying!
Your favorite toy is Octo (a two-legged octopus on your baby gym). You will spend hours each day looking at him and swatting at the rattles attached to him. He goes pretty much every where with us and he always makes you smile.
Your favorite part of the day is in the morning when we turn on Disney music and we sing and dance to it. You love smiling at me and you don't seem to mind my horrible voice!
For the most part we have cut one feeding out at night. You go to bed around 9 and you don't wake up again until somewhere between 1:30 and 3. Last night you slept for a solid 6 hours. YAY!
You've become a much more efficient eater. You haven't been choking nearly as much and that makes me really happy! My letdown doesn't seem to bother you quite as much anymore. You are still easily distracted while you eat though.
I think you're starting to feel some discomfort from your teeth already. I can feel and see one of your teeth on the top. You've been drooling a ton and trying to suck on my fingers or your pacifier all the time. You've recently found your hands, but you don't always remember that you have them!
You went on your first shopping trip with me and you were not so thrilled about it, at least when I needed to try on clothes.
I tried out the Moby Wrap yesterday and you love it as long as we aren't sitting down! It's really going to make grocery shopping and errands much easier!
You are smiling more and more every day. You're also starting to babble and talk to me! Sometimes you will ramble for 5 minutes about your day! You don't want to do it on camera though!

It amazes me every day how much you have grown and changed in such a short amount of time! You are becoming a little boy now and your personality reveals itself a little bit more every day. I feel like I'm chipping away your shell to discover who you are on the inside. Every little piece is a whole new adventure! Only a little bit longer until Daddy is home with us and we can all cuddle on the couch together. Daddy and I are so excited to continue to watch you grow. We love you so much little boy!!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

Day 27 {Your Favorite Place}

2010-10-27T15:10:00.000-06:00

My favorite place in the world is the beach house that has been in my Mom's family for years. It belonged to my great grandmother and grandfather and then was passed to my Nana and Papa (my Mom's parents) and then to my Auntie Laura, when they passed away. It's always kind of been like a second home to me. I can't wait to show Mr. P and Jacob where I spent my summers and all of the places that my cousins and I used to wander during the summers.

Third House from the Left

I spent time almost every single summer of my life at the beach house. I always slept in the pink room (and my Mom and Dad in the blue room). I really enjoyed the tire swing out front until I was too big for it. We'd take part in the Wenaumet Bluffs Field Day (that had been going on since the 60's or so, I think). The best part was the girls vs. boys watermelon race at the end of the day. They would line the girls up on one raft at the end of the dock and the boys on the other and then throw a greased watermelon into the center. Everyone would jump in and we'd all scramble and fight to get it back to shore and win!

My cousin, Billy, and I used to go out at low tide and dig around for clams for dinner. We used to get spit on by them all the time, even in the eye once. We'd go out to the rafts and spend the days swimming and going down the slide. We had our fair share of jellyfish fights and our fair share of stings from the red and blue ones, too.

I always spent the mornings walking up and down the beach exploring and gathering seashells and sea glass. I always came home with a huge collection of random shells.

At the end of the day we would sit down to dinner with Nana and Papa and after dinner Papa and I would sit out on the porch in the rocking chairs and watch the sun go down over the water. We'd enjoy our frozen snickers bars and talk about all sorts of random things. Most of the time he would tell me his stories.

I truly cherish all of those memories. I haven't been to the beach house since my grandfather passed away there over 3 years ago. It's going to be weird to go back there and see how much it's changed and how different it is without Nana and Papa around.

But at the same time I am oh-so-excited to visit the place that is home to so many of my favorite memories from childhood. There really is no place like the beach house.

Day 26 {Your Fears}

2010-10-27T10:03:00.000-06:00

Every time someone asks me about my greatest fear I always get a stunned, crazy look in disbelief when I respond. Everything thinks I'm insane and that's it's a completely crazy fear, but its always been in the back of my mind, since my very first psychology class in college. It's kind of twisted and weird, but it's completely true.

I am scared that my child is going to be a sociopath or a psychopath. I'm afraid to find out that my child is a serial killer. Sitting through all of those psychology classes made me wonder how horrible it must have been for the parents of all of those serial killers. It must be awful to realize that the child you gave birth to, cuddled, nursed and raised could do something like that. I cannot even imagine what that would feel like. Why wouldn't you be afraid that something like that could happen to your baby - that they could just snap and go crazy one day?

Am I the only one who thinks about things like this? Is it just something that goes on in my weird, twisted little mind? Mr. P thinks I'm crazy (but we already knew that...) and that it's kind of an irrational fear (and to some extents I agree).

But today I realized that this fear is a whole lot deeper than I ever knew.

Jacob and I had already had a rough and emotional day. I was ready for it to be over. I grabbed Jacob and headed outside to check the mail. Well along the way I lost my footing and started to fall. I have never been so scared in my life. I ended up falling on my knees to keep myself from tumbling to the ground and dropping Jacob on the concrete. He was completely fine and didn't get hurt, but he was scared to death. He just screamed for a few minutes because he was so scared. I cried, he cried. We just cried together. It was awful. All of the what ifs just kept running through my mind. What if I hadn't reacted so quickly and what if I hadn't held on to him so tightly? All I could see what his little tiny body falling to the concrete and even the thought of it just made me sad.

I think it was then that I realized the thing that scares me the most is hurting him. Whether it be physically, emotionally or mentally. I am a firm believer that ones environment affects them more than their genetics. I don't want to do something to cause him difficulty in his life (now or later in life). And I know that I would do absolutely anything to protect him from any pain or hurt in his life (hence the huge "love bump" on my knee from falling).

And I suppose that's the root of my initial fear. I fear causing him any pain in his life and I fear hurting him. And that's a pretty normal fear as far as I'm concerned. Who would ever want to hurt their child? They are the most amazing and wonderful gift you can ever receive.

Oh - and I never did check the mail.

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

2010-10-25T14:01:00.001-06:00

This post isn't my typical, humorous post. I actually had a rough week. The week before I'd been so busy and on the go and I felt so amazing. I was mastering getting Jacob out of the house and shopping with him. I'd found my super-mom cape. I was meeting new friends and having coffee and truly enjoying myself.

Monday morning I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed I guess. I didn't want to get out of bed (so Jacob and I snuggled until around 11!!!) and I didn't want to take a shower or go anywhere. So I didn't. I put off my errands that needed to be done and continued to put them off. All I wanted to do was snuggle up on the couch. And I didn't go anywhere until Wednesday. I practically had to drag myself out of the house on Wednesday.

It was Wednesday night that I realized everything must have finally caught up with me. I hadn't had a good meal for a few days. I wasn't really even eating. I was hardly sleeping. I was only sleeping 2-3 hours a night, even though Jacob was sleeping up to 6 hours at a time. I just couldn't sleep. I was anxious and had way too much on my mind. In all honesty I'm pretty sure I was dealing with the baby blues that never hit me after he was born. Well it hit me smack in the face and I was not at all prepared for it. I thought I'd already moved past that stage and it really caught me by surprise.

As soon as I realized what was going on I made myself get up though. I could not handle dealing with PPD while Mr. P is away. I just couldn't do it. And I'm really glad I did get up and get moving again.

Tips on Mastering Mommyhood:

Be prepared for insane mood swings. I'm talking - within minutes. One minute you'll be perfectly happy and the next you'll be irritated beyond all belief.
Be prepared to be sad at some point or another. Be ready to not want to get up and shower and do anything but lay in bed and cuddle with the little one.
Be prepared to cry when things don't go as planned.
Be prepared to deal with some form of the "baby blues", even if it's more than a few weeks after the little one is born.

And when all of this happens and hits you smack dab in the forehead -

Cry for a minute, then, wipe away the tears and get up.
Take a shower and put on real clothes (that don't have baby puke stains on them). Do you hair and throw on some make-up.
Get the baby dressed.
Get out of the house - even if it's just a walk to the mailbox.
Do something. Anything.
Most importantly - connect with other Moms (even through the internet) and build friendships! You won't regret it, I promise.

Day 25 {A First}

2010-10-25T00:01:00.036-06:00

Church just wasn't something that we did when I was younger. My Mom allowed me to make my own decisions about it and when I asked about church, she took me, but we didn't go every weekend.

I definitely don't want to shove religion down Jacob's throat, but I want him to grow up feeling comfortable in a church. It took me a long time to get used to it and not feel anxious about walking into a church. When he is old enough to understand the significance of going to church, then I will allow him to make his own choices (and if he choses not to go, then so be it). But I sincerely hope that he will enjoy going and that he is able to build his own relationship with God. It's something that is important to me and I hope that he can see that and has the same desire to learn about God and grow with God that I have had in the past 5 years.

Yesterday, Jacob went to church with me for the very first time!! We got up early and hung out. We listened to our Disney songs and danced and sang a little bit. He got all dressed up in his overalls and polo shirt (that matches one of Mr. P's). I got ready and we headed out!

The church that I go to is huge. The services are almost always packed and they're always great. I love the music and I was excited to see what Jacob thought, since he loves when I sing to him and when we dance at home. We arrived 30 minutes early (because they changed the second service from 11 to 11:15), so we just hung out in the chapel. Jacob actually slept.

As soon as the service started he woke up. I think the music was just a little too loud for him. He looked kind of scared. So we went back to the baby room in the corner and enjoyed the service from there. It was empty, except for us, the entire time. I danced with Jacob and I sung all of the songs to him. He really enjoyed that! He did get a little bit fussy when he ate and for a while after that, but it was nothing major.

On another note... To explain his fussiness lately....

I think my kid is teething already. Seriously. I know he's only 2 months old and it's extremely early, but he's certainly acting like it! He would much rather chew on the pacifier (which up until now he hasn't been interested in) or my finger. He tries to chew while he's eating (um, ow). He's drooling like a crazy baby and he's just unusually fussy. Plus the fact that he's sleeping way more than normal. He slept in his car seat for over 3 hours after church. Yes, I left him in the car seat. He was completely passed out and I was not about to wake him up and deal with a screaming little boy all afternoon.

Plus - he slept through the disastrous Broncos game. It was not a happy football day in our house. The Bronco's are sucked it up big time.

Day 24 {Something that makes you cry}

2010-10-24T13:45:00.000-06:00

***I hate that I feel the need to do this, but be aware - this post talks about one of the most natural things in the world, breastfeeding, and may even have a picture (GASP!!!). This is, after all, a mommy blog and mommyhood is all about over-sharing. If you're not comfortable with it, then don't read this one!!!***

I am not a crier. I never have been. It actually takes a LOT of emotion to bubble over to make me cry. I only cried the moment I dropped Mr. P off and maybe one other time during the first half of the deployment. I cried when I heard Jacob's little cries (because they were the most beautiful sound ever). I cried when I took Mr. P back to the airport after R&R, but I was fine by the time I got home. Since Mr. P left for the second half of the deployment I've only cried once.

About a week and a half ago I realized that my milk supply was very uneven. The left side was producing about a third of what the right side was producing. I was shocked and worried. Jacob had been eating pretty well off of both sides and I hadn't felt engorged since a few weeks after he was born. We had been having issues with an overactive letdown but it seemed to be calming down a little bit and correcting itself.

After I realized that I was lopsided I started taking steps to correct it. I made sure that Jacob was eating more of his meals on the left side than on the right. I looked for Mother's Milk Tea (and actually just found it today). I took a bit of fenugreek (but the maple syrup was too much for me) and I added in extra pumping sessions. After a few days nothing seemed to be helping.

I sat on the couch one morning during a feeding session with a struggling, screaming baby and sobbed. Jacob was hungry and wasn't getting enough from me to fill his tummy. He cried his first real tear. I will never forget how my heart felt when it dripped down his cheek and onto my arm. One little tear. Because he was hungry and I couldn't feed him. My heart wept. Not only for Jacob but for me as well. We cried together that day, for the same reason.

I was just not ready to give up breastfeeding yet. I wasn't ready to be done with it. I wasn't ready to lose the closeness and our peaceful time together. We had been through too much in the beginning for it to be over.

My supply did increase and we are back to our regular breastfeeding schedule and I couldn't be more thankful. Jacob will almost always calm down as soon as I pull him close. He now likes to lean back after eating and smile and coo at me. These are my favorite moments with him. His tummy is full and we are both happy and enjoying each others company.

I never expected to enjoy breastfeeding as much as I have. I love cuddling him close and getting to look into his little eyes while he eats. I love when he falls asleep and looks so happy and content. I love the fact that he is growing so much because of me. He was born at 6 pounds 12 ounces and at 8 weeks he was 11 pounds 15 ounces. All because of my milk. I have truly been blessed to be able to breastfeed my son and I'm so thankful for every moment we get to spend together because of it.

Day 23 {Something that makes you feel better}

2010-10-23T21:12:00.002-06:00

So there are a LOT of things in this world that makes me feel better, so we're going to change this day to "Things that make you feel better".

I feel better:

... after getting a cut and color. Something about being pampered and taking a few hours to make myself feel pretty again always makes me feel better!

... when I have a good glass of wine (but you already knew that didn't, you?), preferably Pinot Grigio or Malbec (my new favorite), in hand.

... when I find a good movie on TV (like Love Actually, right now...).

... after watching Disney movies when I'm sick.

... when singing Disney songs to my Jacob and all he can do is smile at me (with his goofy smile). He totally looks like a pirate with one eye half closed in this picture. ARRRR. Ha I crack myself up.

... when Microsoft Messenger notifies me that Mr. P is online and when the phone rings and it's him.

... with a cup of tea brewing and ready for me.

... after a nice long shower or bath.

... when I get a package in the mail (we have 6 coming in one week!!).

... when I wake up and realize that Jacob has slept more than 3 hours in a row.... and he's still in his burrito. And yes that is a stolen hospital blanket... they are the best.

... when the Broncos win.

... after an amazing service at church. I love being able to go, sing and worship and walk away feeling closer to God.

... when I find a goofy picture that I completely forgot about. Especially if it's of Mr. P. It always makes me feel better. And I might get hell for making this picture public... Hehe. Even though it was his goofy side that I fell in love with.

... after a good long drive where I've had a chance to think. I work out all of my major issues when I'm driving. Sometimes I'll drive just to think.

... when I think about getting to kiss my husband again.

Day 22 {Something That Upsets You}

2010-10-22T08:54:00.000-06:00

I'm naturally an optimist. Almost to a fault sometimes, actually. I am one of those annoying people who is always trying to find the positive in a horrible, awful situation. I think it comes from the fact that I love balance and harmony. I hate fighting and I don't like being mad at people (and vice-versa). I like my world to be a happy place and I like everything to be going right in my world.

BUT.... There is one thing that upsets me to no end.......

I get upset when my beloved Denver Broncos just can't seem to get it together and win!!! I've been cheering for the Broncos since before I can remember. My whole family loves them and I was lucky enough to find Mr. P who loves them too!

I absolutely LOVE going to games. In fact, I had season tickets last year and went to almost every single game. I had to miss the one on my birthday so I could work a double shift (awesome, right?) and the one on Thanksgiving, of course. The rest of them were a blast though! Mr. P and I always go to a little bar right by the stadium for drinks first and then head over and enjoy the game!

And yes - Jacob gets mad when they lose too!!!!

So, even though we are having a not-so-decent year and all three of us get upset when we lose, we're already hoping for a better year next year...

Day 21 {Another Moment}

2010-10-21T08:52:00.000-06:00

There is nothing that I love more (...less than baby and husby, of course) in the world than opening a new bottle of wine, sitting down with the glass, giving it a little swirl and sticking my nose in it. Sure, drinking it is nice too, but there is just something about that moment when you first smell a wine. My mind goes blank and all I can think about is the aroma coming from my glass and what I'm smelling. It's almost like I'm transported to the vineyard for just a moment. It is one of my favorite moments ever. I just can't get enough.

I had my first glass of wine at a Thanksgiving dinner with my Mom and Dad when I was 13 or 14 years old. At the time, I absolutely hated it. I'm pretty sure I made a horrible face and passed the glass off to my Dad shortly there after. In college my roommate and I used to buy Franzia Chardonnay (how awful, I know) or Relax Riesling. It was like juice, seriously. And we didn't drink for enjoyment, we drank for the effects, unfortunately. Such is the life of a college student. At least we weren't drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon (well, not all the time anyways...).

Once I started my job I began to realize that there was a lot more to wine than I ever thought. At the time I was only 19, so I was never allowed to taste the wine, but I could smell it. And I think that's when I truly fell in love with wine. I learned how to pick out different aromas and I learned what they meant (black pepper is an indicator of Cabernet Sauvignon, for example). I discovered that you can tell a lot more about a wine from the sight and smell of it than you can from the taste - like the alcohol content and the climate from where it came. I started to study and learn as much as I could about it.

I started helping the sommeliers inventory each month, just so I could learn a little bit more. Each one of these bottles has a different aroma and a different taste and I find it fascinating to discover why. There is so much more that goes into a glass of wine than I ever realized.

This is only one side of the back wine room. And each spot holds two bottles.

Chateau Latour 1945 - The most expensive bottle we have, listed at $5,000.

Once I turned 21 I was able to finally taste a glass of wine at work. We actually had a tasting on my birthday just for me! At that point I decided that I wanted to continue my wine education. I started studying and preparing for the Court of Masters Sommeliers Guild exams. They offer 4 different levels of testing - introductory, certified, advanced and master. There are only about 200 Master Sommeliers in the country. It's a difficult title to achieve, thats for sure. You have to be invited to take the Advanced and Master exams.

In October of 2009, I took my introductory exam and passed. It was such an amazing day!!! I spent two days in a class with 4 Master Sommeliers, taking notes and tasting wine. I still cannot believe how much I learned in just two short days. The hour wait between the test and the results was agonizing. There were 3 people from my restaurant that took the exam (myself, included) and we spent that hour just sitting there going over every single question trying to figure out if we were right or not. I actually thought I'd failed the exam and I was so thrilled that I didn't!!! Of course we celebrated with a few bottles of wine. What else are you supposed to celebrate with?!

I officially became a certified wino on that day. I still proudly wear my pin to work every day. I still cannot believe that everything I've learned and achieved has been because of that one moment that I fell in love with - that moment when you very first smell a glass of wine and imagine where it came from. It is absolutely one of my favorite moments ever. Luckily - I can relive it as often as I want.

Day 20 {This Month}

2010-10-20T10:23:00.002-06:00

Well I'm reaching out for a sunny day.

'Cause all these clouds are bringing me down.

If I could just see a glimpse of your smile

The clouds would be gone for a while.

I'm giving in to this loneliness,

Sitting here thinking of you.

If I could just hear your gentle voice,

This loneliness would be through.

And I believe in the month of October.

'Cause that's when my dreams came true.

In that wonderful month of October,

I fell in love with you.

I'm holding on to the moments we shared.

'Cause it's always a while till the next time.

If I could ask God for one simple thing,

I'd ask to be near you for life.

And I believe in the month of October.

'Cause that's when my dreams came true.

In that wonderful month of October,

I fell in love with you.

- "October" by Abandonato

Are those not the most beautiful lyrics you've ever heard in your life. The actual song is even more beautiful than they lyrics. Check out a preview here. I first heard Abandonato in college at the Music & Message Festival. They're a local Colorado band, but I don't think they're making music anymore. Up until now I'd never been able to relate this song to anything in my life or really understand the song. I heard it for the first time again in a long time recently and it really kind of hit home and fit my mood. It's been on repeat on iTunes for a few weeks now (when I'm not listening to Baby Einstein or Disney music).

This month marks the seventh month that Mr. P has been away. I was only 16 weeks pregnant when he left. Wow. Looking back on all of that time, I just can't believe how it has seemed to have flown by. Maybe not in the moment, but now it seems like it has. I still find it hard to believe that I have survived without Mr. P here for so long. I still cannot believe it is already October and we are getting ready for homecoming. And at the same time, the clouds and overcast weather really makes me a little bit lonely and really make me wish he was home to cuddle up on the couch with me.

October was the month that I met Mr. P, so it's always been a little bit special for us. We met a week before Halloween and we went out and celebrated Halloween together. I was an angel and he was a golfer. From that point on we were together pretty much every day. At least until this deployment.

With everything going on this year, I still love October! I love that the leaves are changing and the air is crisp. I absolutely love crunching leaves under my shoes (and I'll go out of my way to do it). There is something magical about sitting outside, swapping tales and enjoying a pumpkin spice latte with a friend. I love being able to put on a sweater and curl up on the couch with a cup of tea. October is my favorite month of the year.

October is Jacob's second month of life (already, I know). His little personality is already shining through and every day he shows me a new expression or sound. He smiled for the first time when he was 5 1/2 weeks old and my heart grew even more that day. He is holding his head up by himself 95% of the time and only rarely loses control and needs help. I keep seeing little mannerisms of his that are so similar to Mr. P and I - like the way his left eye closes a little bit when he smiles (I do that) and the blank stare he gives me right before he bursts into a smile when I'm being goofy (I swear its the same look Mr. P gives me).

Jacob has developed a relationship with a mighty fun octopus on his play gym this month. We creatively named the octopus, Octo. They will play and talk for hours (ok, not hours, but a darn long time) every day. Jacob will smile at him and reach up and swat at the rattle on his tentacle. There is just something about the little face on Octo that Jacob is in love with! He just can't get enough of those tentacles (and Octo is missing 6 of them...).

Needless to say, this hasn't been the most amazing October I've ever had, but it's still been a pretty good month! I'm looking forward to next month even more though!!

Blog Changes

2010-10-20T08:30:00.000-06:00

So I've been up since 3:30 working on the new blog. I've been having trouble getting back to sleep in the mornings because my mind is going a million miles an hour. But that's for another post.

So anyways I decided I'd try my hand at this whole graphics editing thing. I downloaded Gimp for Mac. It took me like 3 hours to figure out how to use it. I tried reading an online manual but that just left me even more confused! I basically learned through trial and error!

I am really pleased with the header. I love the way it turned out!! It was absolutely NOTHING like what I had in mind when I started but I'm very pleased. I DO like the background, but I feel like it's the focus of the page, not the header, which I DON'T like. So that will probably be changing. I'm not sure to what, but something a little more relaxed. I also feel like there is a lot of yellow and nothing else right now. I'm debating on what color to introduce as a secondary color.

There will also be some more little things coming soon - icons, a button, etc. - but those shouldn't take away from the blog or make it hard to read! I will do my best to keep everything looking good while changes are taking place!

So what do you all think so far?! What are your suggestions for secondary colors? Any other idea or suggestions? This is my first shot at it so be honest and tell me what you think! I'd love the input!!!

UPDATE:
So I think I found it! I am in LOVE with the grass in the background! It is beautiful. At least I think so anyways. For my first try I am unbelievably happy with how it turned out! I am so in love and I just want to sit here and look at it because I'm so proud of myself!! YAY!!!

I just have a few more things coming, like a new button, and the construction will be done and we can get back to our regular blogging!

I'm kind of busy the next few days so I may be a bit behind, but I'll be back as soon as possible.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-20T03:00:00.001-06:00

The last one....

If you've ever been through a deployment you know how exciting this is!

I believe...

2010-10-19T20:10:00.000-06:00

... that holding my sweet little boy is the best part of my day.

... that this deployment has brought my husband and I even closer and helped our communication.

... eBay is addicting. In the past two days I've purchased a Bumbo, Moby and Twilight Turtle night light for half the retail price.

... that having coffee with new friends makes my day 100 times better!

... The Biggest Loser is inspiring. It's one of my new favorite shows.

... waking up to baby smiles is the best way to wake up!!

... my baby loves the truffle shuffle.

... this deployment is almost over and I've never been more excited.

... cooking with pumpkin and pumpkin spice lattes are the best part of fall. Oh and the changing leaves.

... my parents divorce was a blessing in disguise.

... my girlfriends from work are more amazing than I ever knew.

... that the bond between mother and child is so much stronger than I ever expected.

Now head over to Exploits of a Military Mama and link up with your OWN I believe post!!!

Day 19 {Something You Regret}

2010-10-19T17:53:00.000-06:00

I hate the word regret. I absolutely hate it. I never say that I regret something because generally my choices have led me to bigger and better things. The more I look back on the choices I made the happier I am about them.

The ONE thing I wish I could change was my choice not to return to school. I was half way done with my bachelor's degree and I never finished it. The college I went to was in a town of 5,000 people and half of that was college students. The entire town revolved around the school. When I was at college I was surrounded by people in school, so it was easier to be motivated to finish. Now that I'm here in a larger city that isn't completely focused on the college it's not nearly as easy to go to school and stay focused. Having that degree, that little piece of paper, would make my life so much easier. I would have already gotten a new job at the hotel and I would be making more money. I probably wouldn't be working nights. And I wouldn't be so stressed out about getting into a new position.

With that being said - I am so unbelievably thankful that I am where I am. If I hadn't made the choice to leave school and move 3 hours away, I wouldn't have gotten the job at the hotel. I wouldn't have met Steann and Mike, who introduced Mr. P and I. I wouldn't be married to my amazing husband and we wouldn't have a beautiful little boy!

I guess what really amazes me is even though I feel like I made the wrong choice it's always turned out for the better in the end. And that's part of the reason that I don't believe in using the word regret. Sure at the time it may seem horrible and awful, but there generally seems to be a reason that things work out the way that they do. I'm very thankful for the life I have now and I wouldn't have it any other way. So I guess in some respects that makes me thankful for the decisions that, in the past, I would have changed.